My Faith Renewed!

“Inspired by you”

Monday morning I had to go to my Family doctor to get a renewal on my Nitro—Nitrostat (Nitroglycerin) then it began.

My blood pressure was 169/101, I could not move my left arm and my chest had some pain in it. I was breaking-out in cold sweets, soaking wet, having trouble holding up my head and body not wanting to speak at all.
Was in a wheel chair because I could not stand, so because of all that and the fact that the doctor had to get on his knees to be able to even look into my eyes and talk to me, told him that I could be having a stroke so he made orders for me to be picked up by the ambulance and getting me into the ER room at the hospital. That has the best way to get me straight in to be seen by someone.
I was in the ER for over 20 hours then they put me in a room and I was monitored. After being on oxygen since Monday and being shoot full of lasix, getting the fluid in my lungs out and putting me on oxygen for a couple of days I am able to come back home one more time, Thank you Lord for this day and my friend.
Well I guest that it was not my time yet, because God has allowed me to make it home one more time. I am able to breath somewhat better and they had updated my meds some. I will say that I was afraid, even to the point that I did not want my friend to leave me there alone, but I had to because we had pets that needed him more then I did. And I really believed that he needed a break from me for a little while. It can and is hard to deal with someone in my condition because there really is never a good day. I am really thankful for having him with me.

I have to go back to the doctor next week to be checked out.

I learned something, never make the mistake and think that you will live forever, because that ain’t happening. Live each day for just that, “today”, live it like it just might be the very last one. I believe in God, but for those that don’t you believe in what ever it takes to keep you here. Life is worth living even in the worst of time, believe me, I for one know this is for a fact.

P.S.

I thank you Lord for this breath of air, for the sky and the sun that shines above me, for without them I am blinded and can not see. I thank you for this world that you and only you could have created for a human race to live. I thank you for life itself and because of you Lord I have done my best. Amen

Written by Miss Bobbie Jean, still living with a dream of a much better tomorrow.
© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

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I Have Walked Through The Valley Of Death!

 

 

I have seen the faces of the dying and dead,

These are some of the images still in my head.

I can still see the tears in their eyes,

Still trying to understand the reason why.

 

Why are we in this place,

We were told trying to save the human race.

We were young,

Our lives had just begun.

 

Now for most, life is over and it is done,

For a little while they were number one.

They now laid to rest,

They are in Heaven with the best.

 

As God giveth life,

It is he who knows what we are like.

As he giveth he can also taketh.

So in God we trust, but it is up to us to make it.

 

I am Miss Bobbie Jean, with a dream of a better world for all of us to live in.

© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

 

P.S.

We all deal with some kind of depression, This is how I deal with mine, I write what I feel and know..Thank you reading what a say, hope sometimes it helps you through your day….Life could be worst, you could not be here at all…..think about it.

http://www.livingtransgender.info/MPOV.php?title=Home

ONE BY ONE WE TEACH!

 

Each day I wake wondering whether or not this will be my last day here with you. I know that it would be easy for me to just give up and end my life, but even though I am dying I still feel like I have something left to give. As I sit here and suffer from the pain, I cannot help but think of those that try to end their live because of what they have to deal with. I have found that there is nothing more precious than life itself. Yes I was one of those that tried to end life and prayed that God would take it from me, but now I only pray for another day to live. We all have problems that cause us to feel that life is not worth living, but even in the up most times, it is. Think about the ones that you would leave behind if you did end your life, how do you think they would feel?
I have been hated and treated with crudity, even to the point of being beat half to death and every time I walk into the public eye I still have to deal with the BS that some choose to show me. What I have learned is that by not trying to control what others may think about me, but to control the way I live my life is all I have to worry about. If they have a problem with me, it is their problem, not mine. Not everyone will like the things you do, or even like the way you are, that is what freedom of choice is all about. They have the right to think and feel the way they want to, just like you have. It is not for us to force ourselves on the world, but to try and teach the world that people are different in many ways. I am proud of who and what I am, I have nothing else to prove to anyone. I have God in my life and if he accepts me as I am, that is all I need.
There are times when I cannot do anything, like today, even though I would love to be able to work in my garden, I cannot because of my health. Do I just stop here, or do I try to fight the feelings of depression and move forward?
Yes I have been bullied and discriminated against all my life, but one cannot allow that to stop you from being who you want to be. I am a true transwoman and I live in the deep south here in America, the land of the free, yet I have no freedom here. At any time I can be told that I cannot shop here because some manger thinks that they are better then I am. I just move on and go somewhere else where my money is just as good as theirs is.
I used to think that some people just hated me because of what I am, or because of the way I dress. What I have found is that the reason they hate me so much, is because I live my life free from the BS and do what is right for me and they cannot do they, so, is it really me they hate or is it because they do not have that same freedom to live their life the way they want to?
Yes it has been a long and hard journey for me here in south Ga. But I would not have traded it for anything. I cannot help but feel that I have made a difference here, even if it is but one person. As they say, if we can only teach one person and they teach another and the chain moves forward, then we have done all we can do.
I know that life is hard and there are days when giving up is what you may feel as being the right thing to do, but it is not, one needs to be strong and live, if not for yourself, but for those around you. I know what it is like not to have family or friends to help and count on, so you cannot tell me about all that love that I have missed from them. The way I look at it is if they cannot accept me as I am, then that is their lost not mine because I have not changed who I am just because of the way I changed what I wear. I still think and feel the same things that I did before. It is not what is on the outside that counts, it is what is in the inside. My mind and my heart is still the same.
I know that you may feel that your world is over and no one cares, but there are people out there that do care, maybe you are just looking in the wrong places.
I ask that instead of trying to end your life that you just try to live your life for yourself, don’t worry about what others will think of you, it is not for you to please them, but for them to please you.
Try as hard as you can to be the best you that you can be for you…….
With love from my heart to yours I pray that you will try harder at loving yourself.

I am Miss Bobbie Jean, with a dream of a better world for all of us to live in.

© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

Happy New Year

Well, I have made it to bring in the new year, thanks to the power of God, even though there was a few times when I didn’t think that I would make it this far. When I am feeling so much pain that it confines me to my wheel chair and I can not catch my breath of air makes me feel like the end is near for me. I have not been able to work in my garden for sometime now because just moving around is not an option anymore. Hopefully today I will be able to try and do something. I have taken my med’s and there is so much I need to try to do. Please Lord give me the strength to carry on and the courage not to be afraid of what is coming for me. This is the first time that I have felt the ability to write a little.
I hope that all is well with you and yours as you bring in the new year.

THE OLD ONES!

 

Been feeling a bit of depression this week, with dealing with so much pain and getting little or no relief from it has really made it hard for me to do anything at all. I have not been able to work in my garden and it has forced me to not want to do anything, even trying to write this is taking so much out of me.
Broken down with age,
Don’t see much of the kids these days.
They are to busy on their way,
Not thinking of the old ones that day.

Maybe they have just forgotten you,
Not remembering all the things you used to do.
You filled their lives the best you could,
You didn’t just do it because you should.

Now you sit all alone,
Just hoping the kids will come home.
Never does the phone ring,
So here it is, another X-Mass and you didn’t get a thing.
Please try to never forget the old ones, because with out them there would be no you to do what you do.

There are so many folks alone tonight because for some reason their own families have chosen to just leave them out of their lives. It is not easy to forget the old days when family was family, they stood together no matter what. I hope your family is like that, but most are not these days.

Try to remember what day this is, and that God gave us his only begotten son to die for our sins. Love is the best gift anyone can give to another, please show some love to someone that really needs it, even if you don’t even know them….

I want to say Happy Holidays, but for most it will not be…..

“Written by Bobbie jean”

One Step At A Time!

 

So much pain, sometimes it is really hard to deal with. But,on the other hand I am still breathing, which is worth something in it self. Now I have to conquer this pain and try to move forward again today. I thank God for giving me life everyday that he does. They are going to try and give me some shoots in my hip and shine to help me deal with this problem hope that it works some, anyway. The cold doesn’t help much, makes it harder on my heart and my lungs, but I have tried using three pillows to sleep on and I feel that it has help some with the breathing. I had a good day yesterday, worked in my Secret Garden all day. I was able to find the strength to add a couple more selves and sorted some of my plants as well as trans planting a few. I can breath the clean air that my plants give me, I feel that it to is helping me.I love working around all this beauty and things are really looking good in my garden.
Christmas time is near and it is a time for giving. It is the time when people open their hearths to others. As you are moving through your days of joy, try not to forget about those that have nothing but the hope in their hearts of a better life, and a family. Maybe you can’t care for another child, but maybe you know someone that can and will give that child the love that it needs. Please encourage them to Adopt if they can.

Give the best gift you can give to another, love and happiness.

Thank you for your time and your friendship, Happy Holidays.

From Miss Bobbie Jean, dreaming onward….

P.S. Remember this is one of the worst times of the year for people fighting with depression. Sometimes all it takes is a hug to make someones day. A hug is a real show of love and understanding, Please hug some one in need of one.
Thank you.

Finding Myself!

 

Sometimes it is hard for me to focus on what I have to do, because of the fact that I am dying and in poor health, but I must not let that stop me from doing these things. I still must be strong and dig deep down inside myself to keep working. They have an old saying about making your life serve your needs, well that is where I am at these days. I am trying to do what is right for myself and enjoy what I am doing now, because I may not have a tomorrow to do it. I know that there are ours out there dealing with some kind of problems of their own and feel like it will not come to an end, but it will, if you allow it to.
Today’s world that we live in life can and will be hard at times, but it is up to us to try and make it better, ain’t no one going to do that for us.
I don’t know about you and what your needs are out of this life here, but if I am going to die, I would just as soon die working in my garden, then to die just wasting my time away.
Fine the inner strength that you have inside yourself to endure this hardship and live while you can, life is way to short to allow the nothingness to run it for you.

Thank you…

I have not stopped dreaming of a better tomorrow even if I don’t get to see it.
I am Miss Bobbie Jean with a dream……