As you go about your buying and celebrating,everyone needs to remember what this is all about.The birth of Christ our Savior. To many people forget about what this season is about as they go through their day. for most of us this is the season to remember that this is the time of year when Jesus was born and why he was sent here by God the Father.Amen!
As I sit here and think about the things that I have done in my life, I cannot help but wonder if they were right. I started my life living as a male and I though I was okay with that. Once in a while I would find myself seeing the female in me. She would let me know that she was there from time to time. I tried hard to keep her a bay and I did real good for years. One day a friend talked with me knowing how I was feeling and we made a choice to see what it would be like for me to dress and feel that woman in me. When I started it, I loved it and could not get enough of it, it was like everyday I needed to dress and make myself feel better. For a couple of years this went on till I needed to go out into the public, that is when it became a problem. My friend did not want to take me anywhere, so I ran away. I didn’t go anywhere except to another friends house. When I got there she did not know who I was and I thought that was so cool. Well I finally had to go back home and then we begin to have real problems with me dressing all the time. It was okay for me to dress at home, but I was not allowed to go anywhere. I wanted to go out and have fun and that is what I started doing. Well my friend and I broke-up and I moved on to live alone. It was not easy here in south Ga. Because on one wanted to rent to me, even having a travel trailer of my own, they still would not allow me to park in any park here in Ga. I had to sale the trailer and I moved into others place’s finally moving into public housing for a few years. I still had a lot of trouble living there because I lived in the poor and black part of town. They hated what I was and every time I would go in and out of the park people would call me names and throw things at my van. I tried to tell the law, but the told me that there was nothing they could do, because that were no laws to protect me from anyone here.
Even though I had a job for some time I found myself having to deal with people everyday and the stress got to be overwhelming and I had a heart attack at work and when I was released from the hospital, I was told that I couldn’t go back to work because if I did, I only end up right back where I was and in about three months I would more then likely be dead anyway so I went home and tried to live what I would have called a normal life but these people would not let that happen. They only knew how to show me their hatred and they discriminated again me every chance they had. I tried going to the Flea Market to help make ends meet but they made sure that I could not sale anything because they would walk up to people and tell them that I was a queer or a fagot and not to buy anything from me. So I finally just stopped going out there. Well here I am now fighting for my life because of all the stress that I have had to deal with for all these years.
I can say that I have on regrets about the life style that I have lived because I have done the best I could do. I only know what I feel and I feel that maybe if I had not tried to live like this, then maybe things would have been different but I would not have been true to myself. I believe that if I would have lived any other way it would have been nothing but a lie to everyone around me. Even though things were bad for most of my life there were good times as well, just a few but they were still there.
The point that I am trying to make here is even as I have lost my family and all my real friends, because people did not want to let others know that they knew me or they would be call gay or something worst, so on one want to be friends with me in public. The only people that wanted to be around me, only wanted sex and that is not a friend. I would say that if any of you are having these feelings of changing your life be sure that is what you really want to do, because it can and will make a big difference in your life, weather you like it or not, and the thing is you will not know till it is too late to change back, there are no undo buttons in life. Be sure that you are willing to make that first step.
I think I will stop now because I am getting tried and need to take a break so I will say that I love you all and I can only wish you the best at what ever you want to do. I will stand with you and be here for you till I can’t be anymore. I am proud of anyone that makes that step to be the true self and show the world that you are a girl.
With all my love, I am Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson
“I have a Dream of a better world for each and everyone of us”
The definition of heart failure is when the heart cannot pump efficiently enough blood to circulate oxygen-rich blood throughout the body. When the heart becomes weak or when it becomes thickened and stiff, the heart muscle cannot keep up with its workload.
Signs and symptoms of heart failure include
shortness of breath,
pounding or racing heart,
swelling in the ankles, and
rarely, chest pain
Symptoms are usually worse at night when lying flat
There are four stages of heart failure, used to classify the severity of symptoms, and I am at the forth stage.
Class I: no limitations in activity. Normal activities can be performed.
Class II: mild limitations and mild symptoms with activity; no symptoms at rest
Class III: noticeable limitations in activity; only comfortable at rest
Class IV: symptoms occur at any level of activity and uncomfortable even resting
The term heart failure can be frightening, but in reality, it just means that the heart is not pumping as well as it could be. When the heart muscle is weak, blood cannot be pumped efficiently enough to get oxygen to all of the cells. Sometimes the heart becomes dilated and weak. Other times it may be stiff and thickened. Over time, the heart cannot keep up with its workload. When this happens, there isn’t enough oxygenated blood reaching the brain and muscles, and fluid begins to backup in the and other tissues. The lack of oxygen causes the main symptoms of heart failure such as fatigue, shortness of breath, and difficulty completing tasks that require exertion.
Systolic heart failure (left-sided heart failure): When the heart loses strength on the left side (left ventricle) and cannot pump the blood into circulation, it is called systolic heart failure or left-sided heart failure. When this occurs, the heart becomes dilated and weak. The strength of the heart muscle can be measured with an echocardiogram that measures the ejection fraction. An ejection fraction of greater than 55% is normal. The term congestive heart failure, or CHF, refers to the accumulation of fluid in the tissues. Fluid can accumulate in the legs causing swelling (edema), into the lungs causing pulmonary edema, or into the abdomen where it is called ascites. A type of heart failure termed acute decompensated heart failure is an emergency.
The American Heart Association along with the American College of Cardiology grades heart failure in four stages, and takes into account that heart failure can be present even before symptoms appear:
- Stage A: No heart failure, but at high risk due to another medical condition that can lead to heart failure, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, or coronary artery disease.
- Stage B:The heart has been damaged by the patient’s other medical condition(s) or other factors, but no symptoms are present yet.
- Stage C: The heart is damaged and the patient is experiencing heart failure symptoms.
- Stage D: The patient has severe heart failure that requires specialized care, despite receiving treatment (end-stage).
In other words I am at the end of the line, there is nothing left for me but the dying part and it will come soon enough. I don’t understand why my friend here does not understand all that and still believes that I can do anything that I used to do. I would love to be able to go outside and walk around my yard or play with my dogs, but most of the time it is hard for me just to stand and walk into another room when I need to. Maybe she just doesn’t want to see it like it is because she doesn’t like to see me like that., I am sorry but it’s not like I can change anything about it, that’s just the way it is and that’s all there is to it, like it or not, my time is coming to an end.
All I can say here now is that I have lived the best I could have being here where I am at, maybe it would have been better for me somewhere else, but this is where I chose to be, so I cannot blame anyone but me.
All I know is now I need to prepare myself for Gods love and be ready to go home, so with that I say to you that I am ready and I hope to see you all in Heaven one day.
Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson
With a dream of a better life in Heaven.
I am afraid of dying even though I knew I would one day, I am sure afraid of dying today. Didn’t know it would be this hard on me.
Up early dealing with this problem. I know one thing is for sure I have a lot of time to think about my life and what I did with it. I can not help but wonder if I made the right choice’s sometimes. I know for a fact that I have made the wrongs ones a lot. Maybe that is why I am suffering now, to pay for those mistakes I made. We all come up in a world where things are not always prefect for us but we try to do the best we can. For a long time all I wished for was to live in a home where kids were just that, kids, but instead I came up living on a farm that the foster care had put me on and told me that I didn’t have any choice about it, it was there are in a detention center where at the age of ten, I didn’t really want to go there. I was put in a foster home where I had to become a slave for Society
and help the people that raised me make money. I was no better then the Blacks in those days, but I had to work right on the side of them. We were not allowed to use the bathroom in the house, only the girl could use that one, one had to use the barn just like the other animals that lived out there. We didn’t even have a outhouse for a long time which made it even worst. We could even take a bath but once a week, it didn’t matter how dirty we were. We live just live the animals that we had to take care of. Everything we had to eat was something that we had raised and killed ourselves they didn’t have to buy much of and thing, all the meat and vegetables were raised by us. We never had any money because we didn’t get paid for doing anything for then, but they had lots of money, because everything the foster care people gave then was put into the bank, we didn’t get new clothes or anything else like that, hell I didn’t know what Christmas was till I was around 13 years old and even then we still didn’t get anything. It was a hard life for all the boys that lived out there, but the girls didn’t have to do anything to help with the farm, not sure that was right or not.
We couldn’t join any of the sports because they would not let us play any games that had to be play out of town. They just didn’t want to take us to then so there was no point in even playing on the team. They even tried to teach us to hate the Blacks because they though they were better then them. I didn’t understand that myself, because they work for us in the fields helping with the cotton and other things. We even had a Nanny that would come and cook for us. I didn’t know that till later when they open a school there just for the white’s. I always respected them because they were my friends and I didn’t know all about that hatred BS that was going on at that time. The only thing I can remember is the way we were treated, when I finally understood what was going on, I was move out of there because they said that I had become a trouble maker, I stood up for the Blacks and that was something a white person just didn’t do back then.
Well I think I’ll have to stop now because I am getting tried. I want to thank you all for reading what I write.
Hope you have a Blessed day Miss Bobbie Jean. With a dream, “One Race Called The Human Race”
We all look for something to believe in and hope that we can find what we are looking for. I look to My Lord for what I need to help me get by. When evil thoughts passes through my head I start praying to God to help me make them go away. We all have our own God to believe in and help us make it through each day.
I have said it many times before, that I am in no way prefect by I try hard to believe in what is right and what is wrong. It is not just because my time is coming to it’s end, but I have always believed in God. I know that there has to be something out there watching over me and helping me along the way. Others believe in what they feel is right for them. I have never judged anyone for not believing in God, because I think everyone has a choice to make and it is their choice, not mine. I can only control what I believe in.
I have always believed in God and always knew that he was with me because he showed me that he was when he protected me from the evil that was out there. When I knew that I had to do something that I needed him to help me with, he would put me in his hands and show me the light so that I would know what I was doing was right. He never let me down when I needed him around. There were times that I just knew that if it were not for him I would not be here today. He guided me down that road I chose to take and as for as I know God never made any mistakes, not even with me.
I truly believe that the only reason I came home from Vietnam was because it was not my time to go so he did not let me go. I am still here because of him, even though I might not know why, but I guest it is not my time to die. I know that when I get to feeling real down and not, I just sit here and try to write. He gives me the strength and the courage that I need to still do this. I can’t go out into the public anymore like I did before but at least I can still write what I feel and know about. Hoping that some how I to can inspire someone to be a better person. I know that I have become a better person just by getting to know God better. I pray more now and talk with him more also. I know that he will not keep me from dying, but Just maybe help will make it easier on me when I have to go. So with that in mind I will let you go at this time. Believe in what or who you want to, that is up to you. I know that I believe in The God that I know.
So with my love and friendship I will just say good day to you my friend.
I am Miss Bobbie Jean with dream of a better tomorrow.
Everyday I try to show the Lord that I’m glad to be alive,
I get up in the morning and I always wonder why.
To be touched by the Lord makes my everyday,
Because I know that he will show me the way.
Each day I just want to sing Hallelujah to My Lord
Just because of who you are.
You have filled my life with joy
That’s why I call you my Almighty Lord.
I have been Blessed to have you in my life,
You have come to show me what is right.
You have inspired me to do the right thing,
That is why I call you A King.
Today I thank you again,
It is the awesome in my life that you bring.
Having you as part of me,
I now came be all I can see.
So all I want to do is sing Hallelujah to you,
It is because of all the things that you do.
I give my heart and soul to you,
I am sure glad that I have come to know you.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to write anymore, so I do the best I can. I write about what I am thinking about and these days I spend a lot of time thinking about God. He is the one that gets me going and also the one that fills my heart and soul. I ask him to help me forgive my enemy’s as I would forgive my friends, because sometimes they know not what that have done to hurt me in this life that I live. I know what real hatred is because I have been hated so many times in my life, but it is not for me to judge anyone for that, only God can judge them and I am sure that he will in the end. I have been laughed at more times then I can count, but I find it better that they are laughing at me and not someone that could not deal with it. You see God has given me the strength to handle depression where others may not be able to deal with that part of their life, so if you feel the need to laugh at someone let it be me. I know that my life was never prefect, but I can only feel that I have done the best that I could have done and I could only do that with God standing by my side. My God is an awesome God who gives me love and hope with a kindness that I have never known. For that I am grateful to him, so with these words I say Thank you Almighty God for being at my side.
I am Miss Bobbie Jean sharing a dream from our God in Heaven for a better life.