With God On My Mind.

 

Each day I start a new day with you on my mind,

I find that it is you I’m thinking of all the time.

You have filled my heart with love,

Because you are sending me this love from above.

 

Even thought I grow weaker, you make my spirit grow stronger,

I know that my heart will not last much longer.

You have given me a life to remenber,

Soon you will give me a new life to enter.

 

I have come to know you a lot more,

I’m hopping soon you will open Heavens door.

For I have lived the best that I could,

I know that you were with me where ever I stood.

 

Please my Lord take me into your heart,

That is a place that I will never part.

I give my heart and soul to you this day,

With you in Heaven is where I want to stay.

 

To my friends, I know that my life will soon end and each day I feel that I will miss you more as I get closer to heavens door. I want you to know how much I care for you being here in my life this day. I sure did not want to die alone, and you have given me a place I can call home. I want to thank each and everyone of you for being here and doing what you do. With all my love and will let you go, I am sure you have more important things to do I know.

With love from me to you, I am Miss Bobbie Jean with a dream of a better world for all we know.

BobbieJean

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Good morning to my friends here.

 

Hope that your days are bright and the light from God shows through them.

As you can see I am having troble here dealing with a frined that has said they would get care of me, yet the truth is coming out and now she doesn’t want to dio what neeeds to be done to care form me. Somehow she still doesnot believe that I am as bad off as I make out to be. I started helping her out in the yead lately and now she thinks that I can do that all the time. What she doesn’t get that when I am helping her I am still dealing with the oain and suffering, but I try not to show it as much. All I want is that when I do leave from here is to not have all this pilled up on top of her so that she can start off freast. When I am helping, I am still hurting and sometimes I can’t rvrn move aroundbut thst does not even matter to her.What she doesn’t get, it is my money that is cover all the bills right now and I see no change in that. I have tried to work it out where we may just be able to hold our heads up above water line, but that will take a lot of wrok to do that. I don’t think that she see’s when I paid for something that was muscial, it didn’t matter it beaan hers jusr becauseshe is a munican and even if I paid for it, it is hers now, I see it as I paid for it that still makes it mine, but we will not go there ritgh now. I don’t know why she thinks she can do this on her own.

Now she is refusing to take care of me and doesn’t care where I in up at. My heart is broken and I can’t think clearly anymore, so what do I do from here?

I am not even sure what meds I did take this morning, brcause all I can see is that I want to die and the sooner the better.

It seems to me that right now she is my worst enemy and I don’t know just how much more I can trust her to take care of me. She blames everything on me, because she doesn’t knowe how to tate the blame for herself.

I live as a transwoman ans that too is a problem with her, she thanks that is is all just a game to her. She onlylikes to dress for fun, where I dress to live. I am not sure where thois will end for us, but things are just getting worst.

It doesn’t matter that I love her but it matters to me becauase I have no place else to go. I am asking God to show us through this and try to make it better, not sure how that will work out.

I am very stressed out right now and I have taken more meds then I should have.

Please try to understand where I am at in all this, that you Miss Bobbie Jean.

Let Your Light Shine!

 

Each day a wake,

I have given you my soul to take.

For it is you that I shine,

It is you I have given my time.

 

You are my Father,

It is you I’ll look no farther.

You have given me life,

Because of you that’s what I am about.

 

When I pray, I pray to you,

Now I will be giving my life back to you.

I have tried to do my best,

Now it is for you to do the rest.

 

Living this life of mine,

You are in my though’s all the time.

God for you I have been true,

Because soon I want to be sitting next to you.

 

Just a little prayer for you,

Because I love you and that is true.

I can only pray that your life is good to day.

God will watch you on your way.

 

Please be safe on your weekend of fun.

 

Written by someone with a dream, A dream of

ONE RACE CALLED THE HUMAN RACE”

WRITTEN BY MISS BOBBIE JEAN.

Living as a Transwoman in South Ga.

 

Hi, Hope that your life has been good to you and you get to enjoy some of it being who you really are.
I have been having problems in my life here and lost what I was doing in the first place. I try to let people know what a transgendered person is really like. I have been dressing as a woman for a long time and it has been rough here in South Ga. where I live. When I started here trying to teach these people that being a transgender is not something that should be treated with no respect because we are people to, just like they are. I know that it is hard for someone to come out here. There is no place for us to go and have fun like in other places Here anyone can ban us from even shopping with them and that is wrong, because we have the right to shop where we want to, but not here. I have worked as a woman on a real job for 6 years and that was when it all started for me. I would get hate mail for people like the the men in the white sheets and other hate groups here in the South, but I knew that when I started this journey. All I really want to do was just live out my life as much of a woman that I could and just wanted to find me a nice man that would have been proud of me and loved me for what I was, A Transwoman.
I know that many of you have this fear of losing everything you have if you come out, and I am sure that for some of you that would be true. There are times when I wish I had staid the way I was and not came out all at one tine. That is what caused all the trouble in the first place, because I shocked them and the only thing they could was react to my action. I wanted people to see me, how else can you teach someone about what someone looks like unless you can see them.
I made movies and set up at the flea-market and things really got bad out there but it was all my fault because I dressed as a trans woman. They wanted me to dress as a guy, yet they didn’t even know what I was, they just saw me in a dress and figure I was a man so they attacked me from that point on.
I know that it is not easy to come out no matter where you are from and things can get bad for some. If I had known that I would lose everything I had, maybe I would not have come out myself, but we really don’t know what will happen. I lost my family and all my friends and people I didn’t even know hated me. I could not even stop and buy gas with out someone trying to start a lot of BS. So I know more then most what it is like to be on the losing end.
All I can say is that if you are comfortable living as you are and not being able to bring yourself to living the life you should be living then good for you, but you are the real loser by trapping yourself into that life style.
It is my point of view that we should all live the life that we are meant to live.

I think that I will stop now, getting tried of typing.
I want to say May God bless you, no matter what life style you live.
Thank you, Miss Bobbie Jean.

 

MISS BOBBIE JEAN

Good evening my friends.

 

Hoping your day has been a great day for you.
I have been sitting here worrying about what I can’t do anymore and it has eaten me up inside. I have had time to think about this a little better and I believe that if I think about what I can do while I am still here, I would be better off in the long run. I think I still have something left in my heart to pass on to those in need of it. I have found that there are more people out there on my list that are in the same place I am at and if I can try to make their life better for them, it would be better for me. I am strong in Gods eyes or he would not have given me this time to do something good for someone. I pray fir all those out there that are in need of prayers and help from God himself. I may be the one that types, but the words come from God. I have put my trust in him to guide me on my journey to my end. I don’t want to look at it as dying but as being reborn to a new life and lifestyle. I always though I needed a church to go to and sing and pray, but I find that I don’t need that, because I have here. I know what it is like to get down and think that no one cares about you, but I do, if there is anything you want to say, say it on my post and I will try as hard as I can to get back to you. I pray that your pain and suffer will end by the Blessing from God himself and that he watches over you everyday.
I will let you go now because this is hurting my back. Know that as a friend I will love you till the end.

I am Miss Bobbie Jean, I am proud to show my face because that is the face that God gave me to show to you.
I am beautiful and my smile shines from the light of heaven. I have put my trust in you as a friend to share the time I have left here. All I ask from anyone here is to show respect and understanding before you try to judge. And for those that feel they have the right to judge me, remember you to will be judged, but not by me, but by a much Higher Power them me. He is the Great I Am, The Almighty God.

Damn I am Beautiful, because God made me this way.

 

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JUST ME BEING ME!

Anther day in the life of a Human Being just like you.

Everyday I try harder and harder to stay alive here. I am sure that if I would look around I would find someone in worst shape then myself, for that I am sorry for them because I know what I deal with, but I don’t know what they are dealing with. I find myself thinking more about God as my time grows harder to deal with. The thing that I feel is stressing me the most is I can not wonder what has happen to this man kind that we are suppose to be a part of. Everyday people or going out of their way to see just how much hurt they can put on others around them. There is no more trust in this human race to anymore. Everyone is always trying to get something out of someone for nothing even if it comes to hurting someone to do it. I have never lied on here about anything. But I also have not ever tried to take anything from anyone with out asking. Sure we have hard times, but so do a lot of others out there. Luckily from the help of a few friends here, we have managed to just get by. But we made it. I didn’t picture being here like this where I would not be able to do anything like this. I was kinda hoping that I wouldn’t be just laying in a bed. I want to know when I go. I want to see my Angel come to get me.

I have been through a lot living this life of mine, but it is all mine. A lot of people here think there is something wrong with me, but the only thing wrong with me, is the way society treats me. I have Christian people that send me a friend request because they like the quotes about God. Oh I so love that they do, but when they find out I am a trans they don’t say anything or like anything I post, because now they don’t want their friends to know that they have someone like me on your list. The ones that really get me is the ones from North Carolina, that is where the passed a laws telling me I have to pee where they want me to, I don’t pee in the boys room sorry. Why is it such a problem that I am a trans person. What is that got to do with you. Do I ask you for anything other then friendship? I could go on, but it would not do any good here. I am not sure what I did to cause these people to judge me as a bad person and a monster. I am feeling that I wish I had staid down in New Orleans and I would have been a Queen down there from my home town., I quest God had others plans for me and since he saved me in Vietnam, I kinds of own he

him something, like my life. That is what I got out of the war, I found that God is always around doing what it is he does. What I see here is there is a lot of people out there believe in false Gods like guns and bombs. Dope and sexual slutty things. Sure at one time I plaid all those games. I have smoked pot and did dope, chase women and men, and I have gotten what I wanted at the time. I have killed in the name of Freedom, but like so many others out there, we get nothing from anyone to help us with that, no just financially but mentally as well. There were times when it looked like the doors of hell had opened up and the flames were to the sky. I know I did things that were bad in someones eyes, it doesn’t matter what it was. People hate me because I wear a dress and live as a woman. Well I am a woman, that is what my mind and body tells me that I am. I can’t be anything else, because I know nothing else.

I quest the point here is that we are the ones that make that first step to start this journey we call life. If I had died in the Vietnam I would not have gotten the chance to live for you to share something with you as a true friend. I have some of you that only like;s things that you feel have to do with you, but I all my post is just for you, think about that when you click.

I am going to stop now, starting to feel the pain in my Kinney’s. I hope that your life is what you though it would be like, and that you always remember that we are supposed to be friends, not enemy’s.

I feel that my dogs can feel when I am like this just want to lay by my feet. I can’t even bend down to pet them so they come and stand bu me so I can pet their head.

I am moving on now need to get this posted and get some rest. I am better off when I am sleeping, but is is hard to just sleep and let life pass you by.

Good day my friends.

Miss Bobbie Jean.

A better world for you and me, ONE RACE CALLED THE HUMAN RACE”

This Is Just My Point Of View!

 

Good morning, or what-ever time it may be where you are.

This Is Just My Point Of View!
This is my open Book Dairy, so that means I can say what I want to here., and this is about me, not you.

 

For the pass few days things have been getting really rough for me to handle. I have given about all that I can give. I am tried of fighting for my life here, there is no hope left inside me. I use to say,”never let them see you crying because they will think that they have won”, well I am feeling that my smile is gone and I don’t know how to get it back. I am sure that everyone will believe that this is all my fault, because that’s what everyone always says. I knew better then to stay in a place where I was wanted in the first place. When I had the chance to leave from here I should have done just that. It is my fault that I though someone like me could make a difference, I was wrong, because in reality no one really cares if I say anything or not. I am a nobody and that is all there is to it. Only people like Bruce Jenner can get away with getting people to notice them. Hell if I had the money I could have changed my life like that. But when I started, my heart was already going bad and I couldn’t take the meds for my breast, unless I used the lowest dosage they had, and I was lucky to get that, I had to attempt suicide to get those pills. So that made everything else stop and I could go no father. So I have had to live my life just as a man in a dress around here, never could or would I ever be accepted into their community. So what have I done here, nothing but waste my time on people that just want to live their lives to suite them, no on cares what I lose for this. I am sitting here broke because they have pretty much shut me down at the flea market, by not buying anything from me, I have managed to get my bills paid but have nothing to live on, like for gas, dish soap, things that are needed in the house whole. But I also don’t care for begging either. I am a proud person I have done for myself all my life, but now I have to depend on someone for everything I do, I can’t even take a shower on my own, there has to be someone with me. If I need something to drink, I have to wait till my friends comes around to get it for me. I have not been to a store or anyplace else in months, because it would make it harder on her, so I just sit here in my wheelchair watching as what is left to my life just pass’s me by.
People thing that living like this has good sides to it and I am sure if you live in the right place it can be good, I am not saying that all trans people have to deal with what I deal with, if you don’t live here that’s great. Sure this is a good side for you, I wake up and I am still breathing, but With-in the first few minutes I am taking Morphine and Percocet to stop the pain from the night, then I start feeling the sickness in my stomach, the heat flash’s and not being able to hold my own head up. I have to get my friend to give me more meds to help me deal with that, I use to drink coffee all day, now It makes me sick before I can drink one cup. The only thing I can drink is Lemonade. I am eating less, because when I eat I hurt, and sometimes it is so bad that I just wish I hadn’t eaten at all, so now I suffer some more.
Sure you think nothing of this because it is not happening to you or someone in your family. I know that I am not the only one sitting here suffering from some form of sickness. All I know is how I feel.
The thing about me is that I never though my life was wroth anything to me, I am something that should have died years ago. All my life I have begged God to take my life, to use me to help stop the hatred and things that are happening out there. I would have gladly given my life to take a bullet for a cause, but to die like this is not what I had in mind. Here all I have is people just watching and waiting for me to die. I truly believe that is why some of these people on my friends list are only here for that, then they share it so that their whole state can watch as this queer, fagot, die or what-ever they chose to call me today. I don’t know if I can fight anymore, nor do I know if I want to anymore. I believe that if I would have just moved on away from here I would have at least had a chance to live a real life for myself. That is what everyone else is doing, while you are going about your life, I am still trying to write something that you will like, but that’s ok to, because that’s what real Soldiers do.
I am getting really tried here and the pain in my back is taking it’s toll on me now.

I am Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson, and this is my read name, and I don’t see any reason to hide that like so many of you do, what’s with that, how can anyone trust someone that doesn’t even use his real name.
Why is it that I notice when I use the words transgender on my post or on my photos no one wants to touch it, I don’t understand why, I though that is what you wanted, someone to stand up for your rights, maybe I was wrong in thinking that,maybe some of you don’t want anyone to know that you are gay. That is why some of you stay in the in-box, so that your friends don’t see you commenting on my post. Everyday I live with someone that is just waiting for me to die, so that she can move on with her life, and I have a son, that just calls me to see if I am still living, because he is just waiting to get his share of me, well there is nothing left of me because I have had to sale everything I had just to pay bills here. So can you tell me just what it is that I have left to want to live for?
Sure Today I thank God for each breathe of air that I take to breathe, but as long as I am breathing I still have to deal with all the rest of the carp that comes with it.

Right now I am truly depressed and I am feeling like I have lose this battle and I am not sure just how to take all that in.
You may not believe this but right now I am living with a friend that is ten years younger then me and she is wanting to go out and party, she is a cross-dresser and this is nothing but a game to her, so she is another just waiting for me to die so she can move forward with her life as well. I will more then likely in up in a nursing home before it is over with and there I will have nothing.
Thank you, if you made it this far down the page.
I used to be worry about who would or who would not like my post, but I have come to feel that it does not matter what I write someone will have a problem with it, so I will write for myself, in my Diary which I share with you. I don’t have to, but I do.

Hope your life is Blessed and that somewhere along the way, you’ll find your place in this life. You can like it or not, that is up to you. I can’t control what you do.

Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson.

P.S.
Don’t get me wrong here, part of me wants to live, yet the most part of me would just like to die so everyone else can move on and not have to deal with me anymore. I am grateful for the life I do still have but The life that I did live was not what I wanted for me. Now I think I am going to live what life I have left for me.

 

AIPTEK