This Is Just My Point Of View!

 

Good morning, or what-ever time it may be where you are.

This Is Just My Point Of View!
This is my open Book Dairy, so that means I can say what I want to here., and this is about me, not you.

 

For the pass few days things have been getting really rough for me to handle. I have given about all that I can give. I am tried of fighting for my life here, there is no hope left inside me. I use to say,”never let them see you crying because they will think that they have won”, well I am feeling that my smile is gone and I don’t know how to get it back. I am sure that everyone will believe that this is all my fault, because that’s what everyone always says. I knew better then to stay in a place where I was wanted in the first place. When I had the chance to leave from here I should have done just that. It is my fault that I though someone like me could make a difference, I was wrong, because in reality no one really cares if I say anything or not. I am a nobody and that is all there is to it. Only people like Bruce Jenner can get away with getting people to notice them. Hell if I had the money I could have changed my life like that. But when I started, my heart was already going bad and I couldn’t take the meds for my breast, unless I used the lowest dosage they had, and I was lucky to get that, I had to attempt suicide to get those pills. So that made everything else stop and I could go no father. So I have had to live my life just as a man in a dress around here, never could or would I ever be accepted into their community. So what have I done here, nothing but waste my time on people that just want to live their lives to suite them, no on cares what I lose for this. I am sitting here broke because they have pretty much shut me down at the flea market, by not buying anything from me, I have managed to get my bills paid but have nothing to live on, like for gas, dish soap, things that are needed in the house whole. But I also don’t care for begging either. I am a proud person I have done for myself all my life, but now I have to depend on someone for everything I do, I can’t even take a shower on my own, there has to be someone with me. If I need something to drink, I have to wait till my friends comes around to get it for me. I have not been to a store or anyplace else in months, because it would make it harder on her, so I just sit here in my wheelchair watching as what is left to my life just pass’s me by.
People thing that living like this has good sides to it and I am sure if you live in the right place it can be good, I am not saying that all trans people have to deal with what I deal with, if you don’t live here that’s great. Sure this is a good side for you, I wake up and I am still breathing, but With-in the first few minutes I am taking Morphine and Percocet to stop the pain from the night, then I start feeling the sickness in my stomach, the heat flash’s and not being able to hold my own head up. I have to get my friend to give me more meds to help me deal with that, I use to drink coffee all day, now It makes me sick before I can drink one cup. The only thing I can drink is Lemonade. I am eating less, because when I eat I hurt, and sometimes it is so bad that I just wish I hadn’t eaten at all, so now I suffer some more.
Sure you think nothing of this because it is not happening to you or someone in your family. I know that I am not the only one sitting here suffering from some form of sickness. All I know is how I feel.
The thing about me is that I never though my life was wroth anything to me, I am something that should have died years ago. All my life I have begged God to take my life, to use me to help stop the hatred and things that are happening out there. I would have gladly given my life to take a bullet for a cause, but to die like this is not what I had in mind. Here all I have is people just watching and waiting for me to die. I truly believe that is why some of these people on my friends list are only here for that, then they share it so that their whole state can watch as this queer, fagot, die or what-ever they chose to call me today. I don’t know if I can fight anymore, nor do I know if I want to anymore. I believe that if I would have just moved on away from here I would have at least had a chance to live a real life for myself. That is what everyone else is doing, while you are going about your life, I am still trying to write something that you will like, but that’s ok to, because that’s what real Soldiers do.
I am getting really tried here and the pain in my back is taking it’s toll on me now.

I am Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson, and this is my read name, and I don’t see any reason to hide that like so many of you do, what’s with that, how can anyone trust someone that doesn’t even use his real name.
Why is it that I notice when I use the words transgender on my post or on my photos no one wants to touch it, I don’t understand why, I though that is what you wanted, someone to stand up for your rights, maybe I was wrong in thinking that,maybe some of you don’t want anyone to know that you are gay. That is why some of you stay in the in-box, so that your friends don’t see you commenting on my post. Everyday I live with someone that is just waiting for me to die, so that she can move on with her life, and I have a son, that just calls me to see if I am still living, because he is just waiting to get his share of me, well there is nothing left of me because I have had to sale everything I had just to pay bills here. So can you tell me just what it is that I have left to want to live for?
Sure Today I thank God for each breathe of air that I take to breathe, but as long as I am breathing I still have to deal with all the rest of the carp that comes with it.

Right now I am truly depressed and I am feeling like I have lose this battle and I am not sure just how to take all that in.
You may not believe this but right now I am living with a friend that is ten years younger then me and she is wanting to go out and party, she is a cross-dresser and this is nothing but a game to her, so she is another just waiting for me to die so she can move forward with her life as well. I will more then likely in up in a nursing home before it is over with and there I will have nothing.
Thank you, if you made it this far down the page.
I used to be worry about who would or who would not like my post, but I have come to feel that it does not matter what I write someone will have a problem with it, so I will write for myself, in my Diary which I share with you. I don’t have to, but I do.

Hope your life is Blessed and that somewhere along the way, you’ll find your place in this life. You can like it or not, that is up to you. I can’t control what you do.

Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson.

P.S.
Don’t get me wrong here, part of me wants to live, yet the most part of me would just like to die so everyone else can move on and not have to deal with me anymore. I am grateful for the life I do still have but The life that I did live was not what I wanted for me. Now I think I am going to live what life I have left for me.

 

AIPTEK

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My True Love Is For God!

 

I look for you all Mighty God,
I look up to the shining shy.
You have truly filled my heart,
As each day we get closer to never being apart.

I have trusted you all my life,
Now I know it’s time to make it right.
I will walk with you in Heaven above,
That’s where we will share our love.

I thank you for the rest you gave me,
It is something I really needed you see.
You have surly changed my life,
When you showed me that believing in you was right.

I Thank God for the life that he gives me and for my true friends that will understand me.

I share with you the real part of myself and I Hope that there is something that I give back to you as a friend, because I sure want you as a friend till the end.

I Love all my friends, but My True Love I s For God.

Miss Bobbie Jean.

 

I share my life

This is a need to read!

 

 

So you say I have moods problems. Well first I’ll ask who out there has never had mood swings? What about you, you can sit there and tell me that you have never had a moody day or felt like you were alone or you were dealing with things out of your control. Go ahead make like you never had one.

No one is prefect and if they are there have to be a God or something, because they sure ain’t human. Yes I have mood swings everyday of my life. I can be passed out and wake up not knowing where I am or who is there when I wake up gasping for air. Yes I am facing my own death here and everyday I found it just getting worst. Each time I write a story it just may be my last one. You think that this is easy for me to do, sure it’s only typing a few words down and getting everything ready to go with those words. Just think you are me for a little while. You can’t move because your heart is so weak that anything you try to do makes it work harder and then you have to stop because it starts to hurt and the pain runs up your arm and you are sitting there knowing that there is nothing anyone can do for you. Everyday you are having to take meds. Like Morphine and Percocet and 10 other meds just to keep the pain down and be able to breath some. You are just waiting for that last breathe to come. You are so weak that you really would be just doing nothing but feeling sorry for yourself. Now I don’t feel sorry for myself for doing what I have done in my life. I was not ever helped by any group and community for standing up for gay rights. Instead I was shunned by them all because I was not rick or famous, I am just somebody writing something on their wall on their profile. Saying what I feel and how I feel. This is an open book dairy that I have chosen to allow you to see, I will not beg anyone to be my friend, I will not judge anyone for living their life, I will not count on you or anyone else, because there is a difference between true friends and fake friends. When I see a post and someone is down, I think that is the post that a friend steps in to try and say something that will bring them up. That’s what true friends do for each other.

So Yes I have mood swings, Who wouldn’t if they were in my shoes, that’s another thing, I can’t even wear shoes but that doesn’t matter to you because you don’t have that problem, do you?

I am stopping now, and I am not sure if I will write anymore. I think that it is time for me to think about me, because I really don’t think it makes a difference in anyone else’s life whether I live or die.

Right now I am going to deal with this dying thing and the stress that you have put on me because I am trying to make it right for you, to be you.

Thank you and like I said I am not sure if I’ll be back again.

Miss Bobbie Jean,

I HAD A DREAM”

OF ONE RACE CALLED THE HUMAN RACE, BUT NOW I SEE THAT THERE IS NO PLACE FOR THIS TO BE”

C 1 020

As We Walk Through Life!

I can not do this alone, I need my friends to pass it on. If you like and share what I say it will surly be on it’s way.

Remember to respect others.

Good evening.

The world is a big place, isn’t it? There is a lot of people that live on this earth we call home. This is a place where we all belong and whether or not we like it, that is the way it is. It doesn’t matter if are happy with our neighbors, they are still our neighbors. There nothing we can do about that other then move ourselves. There is not reason to blast their home or try to push them out, they have the same rights you have to live where the chose. Same goes to work or any other thing that is going on. I know that life is not protect but it is all we have here. Many times people are just trying to live the life they were given, we don’t have a choice in that. The Lord created us to be different in all aspects of life. We are not to look the same or act the same and even talk the same. We are meant to be different so that we can tell each other apart. I really think that is awesome. It is a gift from God that we are this way. But for some reason, there is a Society out there that think they are better then everyone else. This Society is mostly whites ( not all whites, ok) but it is growing and as it does the more different they become. I have lived here for a long time, hell it feels like a life time, because there is only time I know. When I was a child, people were fighting then, it was the whites holding down the blacks, then it was the whites holding down the gays. Now it is the white, and blacks and every damn one else holding down the trans committing, so you see, it is not just the whites that hate me. I mean like who is next to be held down, maybe it will be you, what have you done that makes you different then me? There are some people out there that don’t have a life of their own, so they like to step on other people to get their rocks off. I deal with this kind of person everyday in my life. If not out in public I still have here. I am known around the world, because of my writings. I have many fans and friends out there. I am not alone anymore, ever. There are times when I can’t even move, but I still do my best to get to write something. Believe when I say, there are times, when I have to ask my friend and caregiver to help me roll to my desk because I can’t roll myself. Sure I have nothing else to do here. Because there is nothing that I can do for myself, but somehow I still find the strength that I need just to type, I feel it comes from God, because only he knows how I truly feel. I get the courage from myself, because I think it is wrong to try and judge another human being. God did not put us here for that. That is something that was taught by another human being. I am here to show and tell you that I am not your enemy, your enemy is locked up inside you. God said to love one another, not kill one another. No where does God allow one man to kill another man. I try to give anyone the chance to be a friend, But one needs to know what it is like to have no friends, before he will know what a true friend is. I have been there. Not being able to go anywhere because people don’t like what I wear. No one said this would be easy, yet I am the only one that I can blame. I chose this life I live, because it was the right thing to do. I knew when God told me to stop running and hiding, he told me to be the best that I could be. I know that Gods loves me and God does know just how much I can endure for his love. For God’s love I would give my life to him, I was a Soldier once, it was a different war. This is just another battle in another war. I am not running from this fight. I know there is nothing that I can do money wise or help building something, but I sit here and I can’t even get a wheelchair tramp to get out of my home, because Society don’t feel like I am worth it. But that’s ok, Because a true Soldier learns to adapt and take charge.

I am going to stop now, not because I want to, because I have no choice here, I am hurting more then I need to be, please, let’s stop the hate and try the love thing for a while, cause the hate thing ain’t working out, is it?

Thank you, if you made it this far.

I love my friends.

Miss Bobbie Jean.

P.S.

I may be old today, but I have surely had my day.

 

HAPPY DAYS

Good evening.

Words Hurt!

I am sitting here crying because I feel so hated and I don’t understand why. I have tried all my life to help and give back to others and yet it does not matter to anyone about my feelings and the hurt that i deal with everyday here on this earth we suppose to share with each other. Why is it that I feel that people are just waiting for me to die so they can laugh at me and say go that monster, that whore, that devil is dead. Why can’t I just get the same respect that everyone else does? What have I done that is so wrong here, all I ever wanted was to be a girl, what’s wrong with that?

I know I am suppose to be the Strong one here, but even the strong fall down, once in a while. I am sorry, but my heart is broken and I can’t write anymore. It is my Birthday in two days, and if someone was to ask me what I wanted, the only thing I can think of right now is to die, that’s what everyone is waiting for anyway. Not much of a Birthday for me, is it?

I am so tried of dealing with this hatred, that I don’t know just how much more I can take. I just can’t stop the crying anymore.

Miss Bobbie Jean.

 

AMEN!O

Good evening.

Life moves forwards never stopping to redo, or refresh. Just forward. Sometimes I feel that I’m getting cheated out of my life ( which cause’s depression), but then I take time to think about it and find that I really have been one of the true lucky ones here. I can see where there is a lot of people out there wishing they could have lived in my shoes, (just as for the dressing part that is, not the health part, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone). I am sure they have their reasons for not coming out to the public, where as I have the strength from God to stand and say that I am proud to have been able to live this way. Yes it took some courage from me, but I also had support from friends along the way. I learned how to fight many years ago way before I came out. I was fighting for segregation and I was only 15 then. I have been fighting for something all my life. I am proud to be fighting this battle for transgenders all over the world.

I can not help but feel sorry for those of you that can not live your life out in the world, but maybe when it is all said and done, you will be able to. I know that there are places that being a trans is welcomed and that is a good thing, but it is not like that everywhere in the world, hell not even here in the states. I could move a couple of hundred miles and no one would care, but I should be able to live anywhere and no one care.

Like I said I am really Blessed to have been able to live my life and I know that I would not have been able to do that without Gods help and love for me. Yes God loves us all you see.

Well I think that I’ll stop here, getting tried of typing. Sorry I have not been on here, getting sicker now.

Hope you are all doing ok out there, I love you with the same love Gods shows me, be Blessed and God will do the rest.

Thank you

Miss Bobbie Jean.

With a dream

ONE RACE CALLED THE HUMAN RACE”

 

MISS BOBBIE JEAN