I have a high endurance for pain and I guest that is a good thing because I sit here in so much pain that all I can do is deal with it the best I can. I have to take pain meds all day long just to get by. My life really sucks most of the time dealing with this. I know that a lot of you may just think that I am looking for some kind of pity,but true be known, I would trade places with any of you right now.
I know that I am lucky to still be alive, but am I really living? I don’t need anyone’s pity, just support. I write about the way I feel because it is all I can think about. I just was not expecting to die like this, was hoping that I would die in my sleep, that way I would not know it, but God has chosen to keep me here for some reason, not sure why, all I know is that this is not any kind of life I would wish on anyone, it doesn’t matter what they have done to me in the past. It is no an easy life for me anymore, things are rough and I don’t see it getting any better. I can’t do anything anymore, so that means I cannot help my friend deal with the work or the bills that we have. I give up my check to pay what I can and that is about all I can do now, I have to depend on her to do everything else, which makes it real hard on her, because she has to deal with everything that I can’t deal with. She made a comment this morning about the fact that all I am doing is waiting to die, well truth be known that is it. I don’t want to die, but living like this is no fun for me. I am sorry that I am dying, I would much rather be living a full life, but that is not up to me. God is in control of that. He is the only one that can change anything here. I am not sure if I am be punished for something I did or this is just the way things are to be for me.
I am sure that my friend means well, but maybe she needs to understand that if I could change anything, I would change my life for the better. I can only try to do what I can and that is it in a nut shell.
Forgive me for having to write about this, but it is all I have left in this life of mine.
Thank you for reading my writing and for your support.
Miss Bobbie Jean.
If you think that living on pain pills is a good life, I’ll trade places with you anytime.