BELIEVING IN ONES SELF!
Hi, I hope all is well for you guys out there. I have been dealing with my meds. lately because of the pain, and I don’t like where it puts me. Because of my heart being at less then 15%, my body is shutting down everyday as I try to live longer. Sometimes the stress alone is enough to deal with, but then I also have the pain to deal with. Every time my nurse comes to see me they add more meds, or increase the ones I am taking, which only makes me more drowsily, I can’t win, either way I just can’t function right all the time, mostly a very little bit of the time I can function, so I have to do everything just right when I am able to do them, if not I miss the best of me for that day.
I am sure that some of you wonder, just how do I show a picture of me looking fairy nice, but I talk about dying. Well just to let you know, it is not an easy task for me to do that. With out my meds, I could not do it at all. So I am thankful to have them. But the first thing I do when I wake is a cup of coffee with a pain pill on the side, I have to get myself in a place where I can function before I can even start to think about doing anything. I then take the rest of my daily meds. It takes sometime as long as two hours or so to even get to moving around a little. My heart is so weak that anything I do now is like a job to me, may be nothing to you to wash your face or to add your makeup, well I have to take it in steps, do a little, rest a little and catch my breath or deal with the pain from just standing there, and if it is too bad I have a stool to sit on. There have been times when I just had to stop and when I do, that is it for the day, and I don’t have enough days left to miss any of them.
That is not all, I then have to get ready to do a photo shot just to have these pictures. We have a place set up just for that, with a back drop, so that there is nothing but me in the picture, or what I feel needs to be there, that is so I can pose and show you only the best of me, because you don’t need to see the rest of me. I am not ashamed of what I really look like, but I don’t want to show the old and dying in me, I don’t like to see it, so I am sure that you don’t want to see it.
I have found a real live true friend here where I live. She has started coming over to my home lately. We met when I was walking my dog around the park here, and she has a little dog, so I got a chance to met her and I enjoy walking my dog, so I could get a chance to see her and chat for a while, then I started back into the flea market and I didn’t go by there as much anymore, then she found out that I had gotten worst, so she just jumped right back in there to help me out, She makes my day when she comes here to visit. She helps to deal with me and tells my friend what she needs to do to help me better. Like I had to go to the bathroom yesterday and she stepped up and helped me because I couldn’t move on my own. She showed me that is what real friends do. She ask me something today and I did not think twice about it. She wanted to see the real me, so I showed her what I look like with out the extras, just me and she touched my head and she told me that I was beautiful, that there was nothing wrong with the way I looked,, I guest I am not the monster that society has made me out to be. I will miss her when I am gone.
Anyway so I have told you my greatest secret about me, but I will continue to write as long as I can and when you don’t see pictures of me anymore you’ll know that I have gotten to the point where I really don’t want to be, so from now on, I will tell you thanks for being here, because with out you to read what I write I’ll have no reason to write.
I “THANK YOU” for your time,but it didn’t cost you a dime, have a beautiful life and live it to the fullness because there are no “UNDO”, or “RELOAD” buttons on life, once you swallow the “pill”, you have to deal with what it “tills”.
Love one and love all, and I forgive my enemy’s for what they have done, Because they know not what they do.
Written by someone that has a dream of a better world for everyone, “ONE RACE CALLED THE HUMAN RACE”
Written by Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson.
I truly believe in myself, you must believe in yourself first, then you may find that others will follow you and believe in you.
I believe in you, so do what it is you do.
Feel free to “LIKE” and “SHARE” if you like what I wrote,
if not just stroll on..