Life as we know it has a beginning and an ending, we live knowing this, but when someone tells you that your time is ending, kinda change’s things for you. Now you have some idea as to just how long you have left, at that point all you can do is hope that you have all your little ducks in a row. One may find that it is not so easy to do or say the right thing to a loved one, or maybe things are just better off left alone. I have tried many times to tell my Mother that I have forgiven her for the mistakes that she made with me, yet it always comes back to where I am to blame for all this hatred coming from my family. I am not sure how, or maybe what I did to cause all that hate. We never were a real family in the first place, because my “Mother” chose to give us away to free herself from the burden of taking care of us, yet without any kind of remorse does she admit to doing any harm to me. When I finally chose to tell her about what kind of person I am, she told everyone in the family that I was a queer or fagot because that is what I showed them to be, yet never did she try to understand the word “Transgender”, not even checking it out to see what it is about because being a trans does not make you anything else but that. One does not have to be “gay” to be a transperson. Sure I am Bisexual and I have no problems with that, because that is all I can be, nothing more, but nothing less because I feel that love and companionship are part of our lives and we all need that, no one really likes to be alone all the time, it is good to have others in your life. So I am back to the same place I was, what more can I do to try and get through to my mother that I was not the one that made the hatred that lives in our family, that all I wanted is to be the me I am suppose to be, weather or not she approves of what I have become, I am still her “SON” and as a ‘Mother “ she is boned by her so called Christian belief to love and protect me, then why does she chose to shun me and call me ‘Satan” himself.
I have lived this life more then I have lived as a male, yet she can’t put her head around that. All I can do at this point in my life is to try and understand what she is dealing with. Maybe she does not know what a transperson really is and don’t want to know, so there is nothing I can do about that but move on. I ask you ,”What would you do now?” How would you handle all this, or would you just do nothing? I can’t believe that is all I can do, but not sure just how to move in that direction. What can I say after all that has past between us. I really don’t want to die with her hating me, yet I don’t want to feel that I just gave in to please her. Like I have said so many times in my writing, always know your true path before you start that walk on your journey of life. Be sure that you know what there is to gain, yet always know what you have to lose.
Now I can only wish I had a real family, because I feel it is too late to have anything else.
Thank you for taking the time to read what I write about, even though sometimes I get lose in my words, but dealing with the lack of oxygen, sometimes it is just hard for me to think. I know that my time is not worth anything to anyone but myself and I ask God just for a little more time to spend with you. I thank him everyday for that and I love all you guys the same, with an open mind and an open heart.
Written by someone with a dream, “One race called the human race.”
Written by Miss Bobbie Jean.
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