Yes True love can hurt sometimes. I am one to know this is true, because I have been there. Life brings all kinds of thing to us as we venture through the time here on earth. Not sure why we are tough some of thing things that can cause more pain then any accident one can be in, it is like death is at your door banging to come in, yet we find the strength with in our selves to pick ourselves up and maybe move forward again in our life’s.
When I came out and started dressing in women clothing, little did I know what was in store for me. For years I was able to keep the woman in me at bay and dressed as a male and did all I could do to make a life that way, but as everything was to be, I was bonded by my own curiously to see what was in the box, one hell of a mistake. Even as things were meat to be, not always should they be. As I came out more and more I found a love that never had I though to be possible. The male in me fell in love with the female in me, strange as that may sound, it was really quite sample, I had fallen in love with myself. I lived like that for a time as I came out. I found that it really was not love but jealously. The female was jealous of the male so the female came up with a plan to trade places with the male and trap the male in that minor that the female had to lived in for so long. It all worked out the way she had plan it, but I still had a really big problem, I was living with the woman that opened Pandora box in the first place, even after I had told her not to, she didn’t know what she would be in for. Well it was on, there we were living in a world of pure hell as for as I could see. There were times when I would be driving home from work and would start to image what it would feel like to just drive under one of those big truck and just let the whole trailer fall on me and kill me, because I didn’t want to go home to the nightmare that I was living in. I would have to stop on the Interstate because I couldn’t see anymore for the tears would be just pouring out of me. I hated life itself. It took me five years to get away from her. I had to put myself into the mental ware to escape from her. Anyway I did and moved on with my life. I also found that if I ever met someone like myself that I would more then likely fall in love with her. As time passed and life move forward I met her, that girl on the Internet. She was the one that I had looked for. She was younger then I was and about 6 inches taller, but I knew when she sent me that first photo of her that I was in love, but she needed a little help in dressing the way I wanted to see her as, so I done what I do best. I started teach her how to dress to be passable enough to try and live a normal life, but remember we are in south Ga. I showed her everything I knew.
We went everywhere together having fun and showing off every chance we had, but then things started to come out about what kind of life style she wanted to live and that was not for me. I just wanted to live a quite life not bringing too much attention to us. She want attention, she was hungry for all she could get. Now it has become a real problem in our lives and she is ready to fly like and Eagle. I cannot do what I did back then, so now I can’t even keep up with her. Shes not ready for this that I am dealing with and for the most part it is not really her place to have to deal with my health and trying to take care of me. I can understand that, but I am finding it very hard to deal with. I feel like I will be losing my best friend and mate at the same time.
I truly love her and I am thankful for the time she has given me, but maybe it is time for me to let her fly.
Written by Bobbie Jean for “LIVING AS A TRANSGENDER” and
“NEVER GIVE UP” which are both brought to you by…
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