Here I sit knowing that I will be losing my internet and cable. There is nothing that I can do about it, so this may just be the last time I am able to write anything on here or anywhere for as that goes. Anyway I have given my life here for the last 7 years trying to help a friend to better themselves about what life is really like and they still don’t get it. I have financially gone broke trying to help, because I have to have someone with me now 24/ 7 she can not go out and play music anywhere, that leaves us with depending on what I get and at 892.00 dollars a month, that is not much to start with, but I am glad to get that, by the time you pay for things like phone, cable ,car ins. and elec. there is nothing left to live on, and if for some reason you make a mistake you have to pay for that mistake, like not fixing a leak in a hot water line because you couldn’t afford to buy a new faucet, well that one cost us around 1.000 dollars just for two months and set us into a down flow. Here it is three months later and now we are worst off then ever. I am not one to beg or go around these church’s and ask for help because of all the carp that I have gotten for them here in south Ga., when I have seen people on crack go and till they were banned from ever coming back. So this just may be the last time I get to say what I have to say. I know that it is not anyone’s fault but my own, because I am the one that chose to live this way. When I lived as a man I could always make it even if I would get down on my luck I could manage to come back up, but from the time I chose to become a woman, because I just knew that my life could and would be better didn’t mean that it was the best thing for me to do. Now I have spent half my life fighting for not just my rights, but for the rights of everyone like me. I have not just set there and talked about it I have lived it. To stand out there and fight every day just to be able to live this life has taken a real toll on me to the point of “ I AM DYING NOW” part. And guess what, no one here where I live gives a flying f**k about all that. I had the opportunity to go to a memorial for those that got killed in Orlando last week,and I was ashamed of just how many of this so called LGBT community that didn’t show up to show support out here in Albany Ga. Someone talked about how much they had won here, when I didn’t see where they won anything here. There are a few hundred that live in this area, why were they not there to show support, some say they didn’t hear about it, that is because the local news channel are bigots and didn’t broadcast about it. This is what it is, they want someone like me to fight my hold life just so they can sit on their ass and do nothing to help. Yet they are the first ones to bitch and complain about what they are not getting. Well when you give nothing, nothing is just what you will get in return, How that is a fact of life. My friend here thinks like that, never wondering how does she get to just sit in her room and do nothing but play her guitar, well it is because of people like myself that went to fight for the right to be free here, it is people like me that fights for her right to dress the way she wants to, this is not just given to people, someone has to fight and die just so they can live their kind of life. Maybe one day she will see that and not tell me every f**king day that she just wish’s I would go ahead and die so she can go out there and live her life.
Well I guest I have said all I have to say here today because I am not sure when they will cut my cable off, I am already 5 days late and they don’t allow much time after that. I do Love those of you that have tried to be of support and at times be very helpful in helping me make it through the day here.
The point of this is to say, sometimes just because we think that what we are doing is right, doesn’t mean that it is right for us to do it. Maybe if I would have left it up to someone else to stand here and fight in Albany I would not be where I am today, broken down and dying. So be very careful in what you think you want to be, before you jump out there and make a bigger mess then you had before, not saying that I would not do it all again, just saying that if I had the chance I would do it better.
I really hope that I will be able to catch up somehow and be able to get my cable back up before I do die, but it is more then likely not going to happen, so this could be the last I say here.
With love and a caring heart I say till we meet again, Remember to stand tall and not be afraid to make that first step, but at the same time be sure that is what you want to do, because it will be a big step.
Miss Bobbie Jean, with a dream of love and togetherness.