As I sit here I cannot help but wonder if there are things I could have done better.
The thing about knowing when one will die kinda changes things, make one have the time to think about all the things in life that they have done for the good of man kind. As human beings, it is our place to teach those that follow us to live a better life. One may find themselves asking, did I do enough? Will that is where I am at now. Did I do everything that was in my power to do. I tried everyday to teach others about being different, about being human, everyone has feelings and words can hurt, no matter how softy they are spoken.
I have always tried to do the right thing no matter what the end result might be. For what I believe in I have found to be sincere and honest. I have learned from my mistakes to make a better world to live in for those that follow me in this place. To be kind and respectful to others just as I would have them treat me. To never judge a book by it’s cover because the real story behind it may be something different indeed.
I sit and wonder what would my life have been like it I would have ever changed, maybe it would have been better by societies standards, but by they were not by mine.
The thing I don’t wonder about anymore is the fact as to whether or not God loves me, because I know for sure he does.
I do wonder about what would heaven be like, but I am sure that a lot of people wonder about that one. The thing about wondering is that it can get to you and make you feel down, never allow yourself to get that deep into it. I used to wonder about how others will remember me, but I don’t fear that anymore, because I feel that I have done all I can do to make myself public to anyone that want to see me and what it is I do. I am proud of the person that I turned out to be. It does not matter about anything else now, because I cannot and will not change for society, they’ll just have to take me as I am.
So if you are wondering whether I am doing ok, well this is the stage of death that I am at in my life. Oh, and it is true about the life passing before ones eyes, that is everyday thing for me now.
I love to be different because that is what I am.
Written by a wondering person with an open mind.
By Miss Bobbie Jean with a dream of a better tomorrow.
God and Transgenders Stand Together.
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