I was feeling depressed lately because of my health and not being able to do anything for myself anymore. I can’t even get in and out of the bathtub to get a bath. I have to depend on my friend to help me. So as one can see it is easy to fall into depression.
What I should be thinking of is what can I do to make the time I have left worth something? Instead of letting depression control my life, I need to control my life. I need to be thankful for what I do have like a roof over my head and I have a big bed to rest my head when I need to. I have food on my table to eat when I am able. TV to watch to see what the world is about. I have a PC to write on and share what I write as I tell you what I am about. I do my best to live my best, because I know that God will take care of the rest. I have put my life in his hands for he is the one that is in command. He gives me each breath I take, he even makes sure I awake, for this I am thankful and truly blessed, so for him I will do my best.
I live as a transwoman and the road for me has been a long and hard one, but my journey will be coming to an end soon. I just want to say that the life that I choose was mine to change, it had nothing to do with anyone else. I tried to live my life the way it would have been if I were a real woman born of nature. I just wanted to blend in and live as any woman would live. I was not looking for anything from anyone else but respect, which I though came with being human beings. For 30 years I have tried to live free, to live the way it was right for me, but somehow that did not work out that way. I was forced to move here because the person I was living with told me that it would be good for me, but what she was trying to do, was make me feel like I would not want to dress around a lot of people that believes in things like bigotry and discrimination and the kind of people that hates everything that is not like them, but what I found was a lot of people that knew nothing of what a real transwoman was, so they feared me and made me out to be some kind of monster that would sexually harm their kids. That is the way I was treated so that is what I began to look for in this hole in the ground where I live. What they didn’t know was me. I was not the kind of person that would say nothing when someone showed me disrespect. I didn’t care if it was the law or anyone else, so it made a place for me to try and teach these people about the difference between people. None of us are the same, that is what makes us a race of people not just anyone class of people. Were are all humans created by the same power what ever it may be, for most of us call him God because that is our choose to make, just like the way we have chosen to live our lives. And I am one that strongly believes that one should have the right to live the way they want, because that was one of the things that I fought for , it was called freedom.
As my time ends I want to leave behind something for people to remember about me, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I should be thanking God for giving an old woman the kindness to ask me if I wanted her old wheel chair when she got a new one and I kept it on my back porch, now I am using it because I cannot walk around my home. Without it I would be totality screwed. I should be thankful for everything that I have these days, because soon they will not be mine anymore. What I do have and it is something can’t anyone take away from me and that is the truth about the way I have lived my life for me, The truth is that for the most part I did get what I wanted out of life here, I got to live as a woman and to do want I always wanted to do and that was to teach, if I have only taught but one person that different is not wrong, then I have done what God wanted me to do. I cannot help but feel that I have touched some of you at one time or another and that is what I am all about, nothing prefect or anything like that, I am no God or some kind of savor, what I am is a proud transgender teacher trying to make this world a better place for us all to share, because it really does not belong to just anyone of us, but to all of us as a human race.
Remember that sometimes it takes time for changes to be seen, but then the doors begin to open. When your door opens take that first step to free yourself from depression by doing something that counts and everything we do counts for something.
Written by someone that deals with depression every day, by someone that is dealing with death as well, by someone that still has stories to tell.
Thank you for your support and love.
Written by Bobbie Jean with a dream.
God and Transgenders Stand Together.
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