I HAVE MADE IT!

 

I was feeling depressed lately because of my health and not being able to do anything for myself anymore. I can’t even get in and out of the bathtub to get a bath. I have to depend on my friend to help me. So as one can see it is easy to fall into depression.
What I should be thinking of is what can I do to make the time I have left worth something? Instead of letting depression control my life, I need to control my life. I need to be thankful for what I do have like a roof over my head and I have a big bed to rest my head when I need to. I have food on my table to eat when I am able. TV to watch to see what the world is about. I have a PC to write on and share what I write as I tell you what I am about. I do my best to live my best, because I know that God will take care of the rest. I have put my life in his hands for he is the one that is in command. He gives me each breath I take, he even makes sure I awake, for this I am thankful and truly blessed, so for him I will do my best.
I live as a transwoman and the road for me has been a long and hard one, but my journey will be coming to an end soon. I just want to say that the life that I choose was mine to change, it had nothing to do with anyone else. I tried to live my life the way it would have been if I were a real woman born of nature. I just wanted to blend in and live as any woman would live. I was not looking for anything from anyone else but respect, which I though came with being human beings. For 30 years I have tried to live free, to live the way it was right for me, but somehow that did not work out that way. I was forced to move here because the person I was living with told me that it would be good for me, but what she was trying to do, was make me feel like I would not want to dress around a lot of people that believes in things like bigotry and discrimination and the kind of people that hates everything that is not like them, but what I found was a lot of people that knew nothing of what a real transwoman was, so they feared me and made me out to be some kind of monster that would sexually harm their kids. That is the way I was treated so that is what I began to look for in this hole in the ground where I live. What they didn’t know was me. I was not the kind of person that would say nothing when someone showed me disrespect. I didn’t care if it was the law or anyone else, so it made a place for me to try and teach these people about the difference between people. None of us are the same, that is what makes us a race of people not just anyone class of people. Were are all humans created by the same power what ever it may be, for most of us call him God because that is our choose to make, just like the way we have chosen to live our lives. And I am one that strongly believes that one should have the right to live the way they want, because that was one of the things that I fought for , it was called freedom.
As my time ends I want to leave behind something for people to remember about me, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I should be thanking God for giving an old woman the kindness to ask me if I wanted her old wheel chair when she got a new one and I kept it on my back porch, now I am using it because I cannot walk around my home. Without it I would be totality screwed. I should be thankful for everything that I have these days, because soon they will not be mine anymore. What I do have and it is something can’t anyone take away from me and that is the truth about the way I have lived my life for me, The truth is that for the most part I did get what I wanted out of life here, I got to live as a woman and to do want I always wanted to do and that was to teach, if I have only taught but one person that different is not wrong, then I have done what God wanted me to do. I cannot help but feel that I have touched some of you at one time or another and that is what I am all about, nothing prefect or anything like that, I am no God or some kind of savor, what I am is a proud transgender teacher trying to make this world a better place for us all to share, because it really does not belong to just anyone of us, but to all of us as a human race.

Remember that sometimes it takes time for changes to be seen, but then the doors begin to open. When your door opens take that first step to free yourself from depression by doing something that counts and everything we do counts for something.

Written by someone that deals with depression every day, by someone that is dealing with death as well, by someone that still has stories to tell.
Thank you for your support and love.
Written by Bobbie Jean with a dream.

God and Transgenders Stand Together.
© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

LET HIS LOVE SHINE THROUGH HIS LIGHT!

 

Even in the darkness there is a light that shines on. The light is God’s love that shines down upon us.

Let the light shine bright,

Hope that his love will carry me through this night.

During the day,

I use his light to guide my way.

His light gives life to my flowers,

They give me pleasure for hours.

As the flowers bloom and show me their beauty,

That is when I feel they have done their duty.

It is Gods love that carry’s me today,

He has made my life possible in every way.

Now for him I share with you,

The hope that all will come true.

With the same light of love he shares with me,

I give it all to you this day.

And no matter what they say,

Never allow anyone to stand in your way.

Depression creates a cloud of darkness around us and it seems like there is no answer, but there is, believe in yourself and allow in the love from others that do care about you. I am trying to believe that there is a God that watch’s over me, I cannot help but feel this in my heart and I really don’t think that he cares about the way I dress, I think it is about the way I have lived my life, just doing my best. There are none of us perfect, That is what makes him God and not us. I also know that all lives matter and God did not make a mistake when he made me, He created someone special when he made me and I am proud of that.

Be blessed today, and be your best today…

Written by Miss Bobbie Jean, living the life that God has given me and I trust in the Lord.

God and Transgenders Stand Together.

LET HIS LOVE SHINE THROUGH HIS LIGHT!

 

© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

Thanks To The Caregivers.

 

Sometimes it feels like I have lived here forever. I am only 64 years old and I have lived a life time and more then some have. I have learned a lot to take me to the next level of eternity. I have done my best to pass the test of time. But what I have learned the most is that there comes a time when we will need help in our lives. That time is here for me and if not for my friend, I would be alone. There are no words for the way I feel about her. She does pretty much everything that gets done here. I can only try to help if I can stand there or not. She has given up her life to take care of me, and believe me it is not always easy to care for some one in my condition. It is getting to be hard on her, thus there are other things in our lives that have to be done as well, she does that to. I know that I would not want to be here alone because when I can’t move on my own she has to help me with everything, like dressing and getting a bath. I can’t even put on my own socks, but she is there.

I am trying hard to understand what she has to deal with and I have found it to be me.

I want to say thank you to Jackie for being my angel that cares for me in my time of need, and to all the caregivers out there, who is giving with their hearts.

I am Miss Bobbie Jean with a dream that is come true everyday, people trying to live together.

© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

My Faith Renewed!

“Inspired by you”

Monday morning I had to go to my Family doctor to get a renewal on my Nitro—Nitrostat (Nitroglycerin) then it began.

My blood pressure was 169/101, I could not move my left arm and my chest had some pain in it. I was breaking-out in cold sweets, soaking wet, having trouble holding up my head and body not wanting to speak at all.
Was in a wheel chair because I could not stand, so because of all that and the fact that the doctor had to get on his knees to be able to even look into my eyes and talk to me, told him that I could be having a stroke so he made orders for me to be picked up by the ambulance and getting me into the ER room at the hospital. That has the best way to get me straight in to be seen by someone.
I was in the ER for over 20 hours then they put me in a room and I was monitored. After being on oxygen since Monday and being shoot full of lasix, getting the fluid in my lungs out and putting me on oxygen for a couple of days I am able to come back home one more time, Thank you Lord for this day and my friend.
Well I guest that it was not my time yet, because God has allowed me to make it home one more time. I am able to breath somewhat better and they had updated my meds some. I will say that I was afraid, even to the point that I did not want my friend to leave me there alone, but I had to because we had pets that needed him more then I did. And I really believed that he needed a break from me for a little while. It can and is hard to deal with someone in my condition because there really is never a good day. I am really thankful for having him with me.

I have to go back to the doctor next week to be checked out.

I learned something, never make the mistake and think that you will live forever, because that ain’t happening. Live each day for just that, “today”, live it like it just might be the very last one. I believe in God, but for those that don’t you believe in what ever it takes to keep you here. Life is worth living even in the worst of time, believe me, I for one know this is for a fact.

P.S.

I thank you Lord for this breath of air, for the sky and the sun that shines above me, for without them I am blinded and can not see. I thank you for this world that you and only you could have created for a human race to live. I thank you for life itself and because of you Lord I have done my best. Amen

Written by Miss Bobbie Jean, still living with a dream of a much better tomorrow.
© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

I Have Walked Through The Valley Of Death!

 

 

I have seen the faces of the dying and dead,

These are some of the images still in my head.

I can still see the tears in their eyes,

Still trying to understand the reason why.

 

Why are we in this place,

We were told trying to save the human race.

We were young,

Our lives had just begun.

 

Now for most, life is over and it is done,

For a little while they were number one.

They now laid to rest,

They are in Heaven with the best.

 

As God giveth life,

It is he who knows what we are like.

As he giveth he can also taketh.

So in God we trust, but it is up to us to make it.

 

I am Miss Bobbie Jean, with a dream of a better world for all of us to live in.

© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

 

P.S.

We all deal with some kind of depression, This is how I deal with mine, I write what I feel and know..Thank you reading what a say, hope sometimes it helps you through your day….Life could be worst, you could not be here at all…..think about it.

http://www.livingtransgender.info/MPOV.php?title=Home

ONE BY ONE WE TEACH!

 

Each day I wake wondering whether or not this will be my last day here with you. I know that it would be easy for me to just give up and end my life, but even though I am dying I still feel like I have something left to give. As I sit here and suffer from the pain, I cannot help but think of those that try to end their live because of what they have to deal with. I have found that there is nothing more precious than life itself. Yes I was one of those that tried to end life and prayed that God would take it from me, but now I only pray for another day to live. We all have problems that cause us to feel that life is not worth living, but even in the up most times, it is. Think about the ones that you would leave behind if you did end your life, how do you think they would feel?
I have been hated and treated with crudity, even to the point of being beat half to death and every time I walk into the public eye I still have to deal with the BS that some choose to show me. What I have learned is that by not trying to control what others may think about me, but to control the way I live my life is all I have to worry about. If they have a problem with me, it is their problem, not mine. Not everyone will like the things you do, or even like the way you are, that is what freedom of choice is all about. They have the right to think and feel the way they want to, just like you have. It is not for us to force ourselves on the world, but to try and teach the world that people are different in many ways. I am proud of who and what I am, I have nothing else to prove to anyone. I have God in my life and if he accepts me as I am, that is all I need.
There are times when I cannot do anything, like today, even though I would love to be able to work in my garden, I cannot because of my health. Do I just stop here, or do I try to fight the feelings of depression and move forward?
Yes I have been bullied and discriminated against all my life, but one cannot allow that to stop you from being who you want to be. I am a true transwoman and I live in the deep south here in America, the land of the free, yet I have no freedom here. At any time I can be told that I cannot shop here because some manger thinks that they are better then I am. I just move on and go somewhere else where my money is just as good as theirs is.
I used to think that some people just hated me because of what I am, or because of the way I dress. What I have found is that the reason they hate me so much, is because I live my life free from the BS and do what is right for me and they cannot do they, so, is it really me they hate or is it because they do not have that same freedom to live their life the way they want to?
Yes it has been a long and hard journey for me here in south Ga. But I would not have traded it for anything. I cannot help but feel that I have made a difference here, even if it is but one person. As they say, if we can only teach one person and they teach another and the chain moves forward, then we have done all we can do.
I know that life is hard and there are days when giving up is what you may feel as being the right thing to do, but it is not, one needs to be strong and live, if not for yourself, but for those around you. I know what it is like not to have family or friends to help and count on, so you cannot tell me about all that love that I have missed from them. The way I look at it is if they cannot accept me as I am, then that is their lost not mine because I have not changed who I am just because of the way I changed what I wear. I still think and feel the same things that I did before. It is not what is on the outside that counts, it is what is in the inside. My mind and my heart is still the same.
I know that you may feel that your world is over and no one cares, but there are people out there that do care, maybe you are just looking in the wrong places.
I ask that instead of trying to end your life that you just try to live your life for yourself, don’t worry about what others will think of you, it is not for you to please them, but for them to please you.
Try as hard as you can to be the best you that you can be for you…….
With love from my heart to yours I pray that you will try harder at loving yourself.

I am Miss Bobbie Jean, with a dream of a better world for all of us to live in.

© 2015 – 2016 Living transgender All rights reserved

Happy New Year

Well, I have made it to bring in the new year, thanks to the power of God, even though there was a few times when I didn’t think that I would make it this far. When I am feeling so much pain that it confines me to my wheel chair and I can not catch my breath of air makes me feel like the end is near for me. I have not been able to work in my garden for sometime now because just moving around is not an option anymore. Hopefully today I will be able to try and do something. I have taken my med’s and there is so much I need to try to do. Please Lord give me the strength to carry on and the courage not to be afraid of what is coming for me. This is the first time that I have felt the ability to write a little.
I hope that all is well with you and yours as you bring in the new year.