MY SECRET GARDEN!

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As I work to build my garden that god has allowed me the time to do so, I have found peace with myself. I know that sometimes working with dirt and plants, I put a strain on my body and at the end of the day I can feel the pian that I have to endure. Each day I try to do something more to make it better and more complete, but as you know working with plants, you are never really done. I enjoy working out there, because it takes my mind off of the fact that my time is coming to an end. Next week I will have to be a the doctors all week, so I will not be able to work as much,even though I am running out of time. It is getting colder and I need to get the biggest part of my plants inside before it freeze’s. I was hurting so bad from yesterday hauling all that dirt that I had to take a break today to let my body rest. I could feel the depression setting in, so I went out side and raked up some pine straw to put around the plants that will have to stay outside.
Depression is something that we have in our lives, sometimes it is greater then others and for some of us it is a every day thing. My friend that is also my caregiver has been helping me a lot lately, she does all the house work for me and that is a big help. I know that I could just stop working in the garden and do all those things, but she has allowed me the time to do just what I want to do, she see’s that it has made me happy and it is my last wish. I want her to have part of me here when I die. I know it’s not much, but it is a big part of what I am about. All the plants that are in my garden where going to the dump, but I have hopefully saved their lives and allow them a second chance.
I am still going to the flea market on the weekends and it is so good to be able to talk to others and I also have the chance to feel their love and understanding. I though that every one hated me, only to find out that it is only the ten percent that do, the other 90% have excepted me for just being me. It feels good when some one tells me about some one they know changing their live because of something I wrote or something I have told them.
I have said it time and time again and I will say it now, I am a long way from being prefect, but I do try hard to tell the truth and say what is on my mind. I believe that one can fight depression if one wants to. It would be easy for me to just stop doing anything and sit there doing nothing, dwelling on the BS, but I will fight till the end.
For a long time all I wanted to do was die, but now, all I want to do is live another day, just to work in my garden. God has my life in his hands and I am sure that he knows what he is doing and will take me when he is ready for me.
I know that depression works on each one of us different and the way I deal with my depression may not work for you, so maybe you need to find something just for you to do.
I can only feel that God has blessed me and he is taking care of my needs, as he will take care of yours, but that is between you and God.
Be strong and try to get along.
I am Miss Bobbie Jean wit a dream of a new life, with God.

© 2014 – 2015 Living transgender All rights reserved

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Depression

Depression, never think that you are above it!

Depression is not just for one or two people, it is something that anyone can fall upon at any time in their lives.
Most people feel that they are above something like depression and it can not happen to them, well that is not true and it can happen to you. You can be on top of it all today and later be at the bottom of the hill. People like myself have had to deal with depression most of my life and I am not afraid to say that it has at some point taken over me and allowed me to try and hurt myself to the point of being hospitalized.
Today I have to take three kinds of meds. to help me deal with all the carp in my life, but I am one of the lucky ones, because I do have the strength to try and deal with it, with Gods help and the support of my friends all over the world. You would be surprised just how much it means to someone like me to hear from you guys when I am down and out.
I am in no way perfect and I have never tried to say I was, but I am not one of those that find it easy to just give up. I could tell you stories of my life that you may find it hard to even believe because you would not think that much BS could happen to one person in a life time, well my life has really sucked, but it is the life that I was debt and there is nothing I can do about it but try to be a better human being for it, to learn from what has happened to me and try to teach others that we are just human beings, not Gods, we will make mistake and we will screw up at times, it is in our nature to do so.
Some might say that I write to much, but it is my way of dealing with my depression and by sharing what I have written gives others the chance to see that they are not alone here. Many people have to deal with depression everyday of their life’s and for most they can not work their way out of it. Some even suffer to the point of suicide. I have been there and was so glad when I was treated to help me. When you have taken all those pills and realized what you have done, you best get help before it is to late. It is not a good feeling knowing that you have screwed up. Some don’t make it in time, so all is lost and for the most part it is about something that was not their fault in the first place.
Sometimes I will speak of God,I believe in God and I truly feel that he has chosen me, to teach others about being different. We are all different in one form or another, that is what makes us humans. Well the point here is that you can believe in anything you have chosen, I’m not trying to get you to believe in anything, but yourself.
I have created a Secret Garden so I might enough just a little peace of heaven here on earth. It is turning out beautiful, God has truly blessed me with many flowers. My garden even has it’s own bed. That way if I get to tried working I can lay in my garden and enough Gods beauty shine down on me.
I have notice that I just want to be in my garden, “very peaceful”.
Today was a hard one for me. I sat up at the flea market, with three tables full of junk and only did about 20 bucks, but I still had to unload and load it back up. But I am not there just for the money, I am there because I have lived in the flea market world for over 30 years. Everyone I know comes from the flea.
I found out that someone had died and I cried believe she was my friend and we met at the flea. I learned a lot from her, she was the most beautiful person I really knew. Her husband told me that she tough of me has her sister, I’ll miss her. He told me to tell her that he loves and miss’s her.
Depression is a lot lot of fear for anyone. It can eat you alive, if you just sit there and let it. Fight with everything you have left inside you to save your own life, it will make you proud of yourself.
I feel that I am one of the lucky ones, because to people I know lost family to suicides this week.

Try to keep yourself strong and fight with all your might.
I don’t know if anyone else does, but I love you, be sweet and trust in Gods love.
I am Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson and I truly have a dream of a never ending life force inside of me, showing me the way to your heart and sou land live as human beings are suppose to live, as one human race.

“LET THE BEAUTY OF YOURSELF SHINE THROUGH”

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© 2014 – 2015 Living transgender All rights reserved

Spreading Gods goodness

I AM ME

 

Spreading Gods goodness from your own heart is truly a good thing.

I would like to thank God for giving me another day to share my life with you. Yesterday was a good day for me, I transplanted plants all day and did what I love to do, working with my garden. God has truly blessed me with Flowers of all sorts and size’s, but it is a lot of work. The way I see this, is that each day he gives me to enjoy here on earth is a blessing and I am going to use it the best way I can. One does not think about things such as that until one is told that their life will be cut short. I am only sorry that my heart was filled with so much hate, made from those that felt the need to hate me. It is not their fault that they are like that, that is the way they were taught to be. Love is something that is hard to come by these days, but when it is Gods love that I am able to share, it is a awesome feeling, so my you be blessed in every way possible today and if you can try to be nice to some one else and show them that same love that God shows you, spread the goodness that is laid upon you. You will feel better about yourself and also make some one else feel better at the same time, that is you reward, nothing less, nothing more. You are the one that has to open that door. Gods love be with you my friends.

Finding Gods true love.

Good morning. I have found a way for me to deal with the depression of everyday life. I find something to do to help myself and others around me. It brings me joy and gives me something to stop the depression. I am not prefect, but I try to do only what God allows me to do.

I know that everyone should have the right to believe in what they have chosen to believe in, so I have chosen to believe in why God gave us his only son to die for us. I truly believe that God is the Father and he does not make mistake’s. God is with me everyday of my life, and for that I am proud to say I believe in him. The world around us can and will be a crude place to live, but it is up to us to change that hatred into love, that is what God want’s from us. Spreading the goodness of the Lord bring peace to my heart and soul. I know people right now having to sleep in their car, or where ever they can find a bed, or even a floor to lay on, there is something wrong with that. I do what I can to try and help them the best way I can. I am sorry that I have no bed for them, but maybe by me sharing what I have is a blessing to them. I have found that so many people are in need of something, even if it is only to talk to some one about what they are dealing with.
Today try to do that, if that is all you can do, just listen to some one.
May you find the same peace that I have found.
I am Miss Bobbie Jean with a dream of true humanity.

Abusing God’s Love.

I want to thank all of you for being here. As I find my life here coming to an end, I truly believe that I am going to a better place. Do you believe in Angel’s, believe I do and I have seen them and they look just like us.

 

Abusing God’s Love.

I am working my *** of, but it will be wroth it in the end. I am truly loving my new Secret Garden. I am finding myself with God by my side. Together we are creating and beautiful place mostly made up of things that we going to be destroyed. It is like a new being for me as well as for them also. I love the beauty that God can create with just a little bit of love.
Learning to share with what God has given us, is something that we had forgotten. This earth that was created by our Father, can only survive if we help it along. If we chose to abuse it, we will destroy it, and lose it for ever, Amen……

Gods Blessing!

Gods kept’s me so busy that I haven’t had time to be on here lately. I am so tired that I hurt all over. Finely I am happy at my life. God has given me the chance to know him and except him into my heart and soul.I work the flea market on Saturday and Sunday, I use Monday and Tuesday to work for myself in my Secret Garden. It will be like no other garden I have had in my life. I thank God every day for a new beginning. I feel that I have been truly blessed by him and I am in his hands. The only thing I ask for from him is that he allows me the time to finish my garden. It is not for me, but for the ones that has cared for me all this time, my friends. I have a friend , who is also my caregiver, and we have to animal friends also and that will need a place to share and enjoy. I want them to have that Secret Garden so that when they go out and sit there, they will reminder me.
We went to home depot today and we got a broad for free, because it was damaged. Normally it would be 70% off, but we got it for nothing, so when we went to the Save-A-Lot, there was this old man about 80 in line next to me, and I saw that it look like he just had enough to eat for a couple of days, as I talked to him, I ask him if he had enough money to pay for everything, he said that he had hoped so, but was no sure, I kindly told him that if he needed any help, just ask me and I would.I got done with my groceries shopping, so I just told the cashier to ring his up with mine just put his in his own bags, she just looked at me and told me that she would be glad to, the old men just thank me for helping him and I told him I needed no thanks from him, because he had also helped me at the same time, it really felt good to be able to help someone, even if it is just a little.
Thank you for being with me as I finish my journey through life here on earth.
I cannot help but feel so bless, because God has chosen someone like me to bless in the first place. Thank you, amen.
Try sometimes just to do something like that or even more if you can afford it, you will put a smile on someones face when you do. Be kind to one another, because when they are gone, there will be no other.

I Battle Depression

Good morning, hope all is as good as it gets for you today.
Just got a called for the result’s of my stress last week. The nurse that had to call me sounded up set, so I ask her what was wrong? She told me that she really hated to call someone and have to tell them that their stress test was abnormal. I just told her that I was now ok with the fact that I knew I was dying because I had finally found the Lord in my life, that just made her day, because she has been talking to me about that when ever I had to go in, my Doctor wants to see me back as soon as he can.

Bobbie Jean
© 2014 – 2015 Living transgender All rights reserved