Please forgive me for showing a sign of weakness at times. I know that with the love and support of my friends here on Facebook and all the other sites that I share my words with, that I will make it through this and be ok. I get a lot of support from people all over the world, from site’s like the Experience Project, where I belong to groups that share in things like depression and many, many others. I am also on Word-press and I have my own site called livingtransgender.info and I am trying to help people to understand what it is like dealing with living as a Trans in the south. Even though I may show a lot of strength, I too can fall into a state of depression and it can and will under-mind all that I do. It will try to take over and subdue me to believing that all is lost and a waste of time to care anymore about anything.
All I have ever wanted was to teach, maybe try to help people to understand what we have to deal with being trans. We are really no different then anyone else except for the fact that we deal with a gender problem. Not knowing what true gender we are. Many of us feel that we were born in the wrong body and only want to be set free to live the way we need to be.
I cannot speak for anyone but myself here, but the most important thing to me was the be able to die with the words (she was a good person and shared her life for the whole world to see.) To die as a woman would have filled my life’s dream, it would have made me whole, but because of the money and my heart this will never happen for someone like me, but there are so many out there that just might get that chance in their lifetime. I am sure that I will not get to see all the changes that will come for the trans community, but they will come.
Like everyone else I though that I still had some time left to look forward to, only to find out that I now have around a year to live and it is going to get rough for me to handle. My health is going down hill fast and hard. They don’t want me to do anything anymore. I have a garden but my doctors tells me to try not to work in it, because the more I do, the more harm I put myself in. I don’t need to do anything that will bring stress into my life and the more I try to do the harder it will be for me to even breath.
All and all I feel good today and I am blessed to feel this way, because so any days I wake only to want to lay in bed and not do anything. I have taken my meds. this morning and I am trying to move around a little, that in itself is hard for me, because I hurt all over. I have to watch myself as to not fall, that would only make things worst. It is days like this that I am thankful that I lived another day. I have walked around my yard enjoying the flowers that I planted and the beauty that God has created for us to see. God is a wonderful thing, and I believe that he has created Mother Nature to give us a place to share with each other. Why is it so hard for people to just except one another and share this place we call home. When God created us we were called the human race, not the white or black or whatever else you people have tried to label us as, we are all part of this human race that God has created. He did not separate us into anything, man has done that. I mean just think about it, do you really think there is a black or a white heaven or maybe there is a heaven for men or maybe just for women, I believe in heaven there is no race or color, no gender, that we are all as one, in the image of God.
I am thank to have friends on here from all over and it is you that give me my strength to carry on. I am hopeful that as my time comes closer to the end that I will understand more about Gods will. I am sure that his plan for me is fulfilling and I am blessed that he has watched over me all these years.
May your day be full of love and joy, with a happiest for above all others.
Written by Bobbie Jean, and yes I have a dream. “ One race called the human race”
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