God , please forgive for all my sins,
My heart is heavy as it comes to an end.
You always been there for me,
Now it is my turn to be there for thee.
You have always filled my life with joy,
As I worked and tilled the soil.
The flowers that I grew,
They are flowers just for you.
I have lived out my life to my best,
Now I will live in your life where I will rest.
I am not some kind of hero here at all,
But when I die my name will be on your wall.
Each breath of air that I have breath,
It was a breath of air you have given to me.
So with my dying breath of air,
I now bit you all a fair thee well.
Written in a state of total depression and confusion.
Written by Bobbie Jean and I still have my dream of a better world for you and me……
© 2014 – 2015 Living transgender All rights reserved
For a long time now I would wish that I would just die so that I would not have to deal with all the BS that I deal with just to be a transwoman. Now I don’t think it is as important to me to be a trans as it is just to live. Hell it would be easy to just die, but to live is a different thing, I guest one does not realize that until they have been told they are going to die, and yes we are all going to die at one point or another, but when your Cardiologist tells you that anyone with congestive heart failure as bad as mine usually only lives about five years and I have live 13, kinda makes one wonder about things like God. I am not sure why God would want to keep someone like me here. Is it because I have been a bad person and he feels the need to punish me or is it because there is still something that I most do to earn that right to die and live with him eternally. I am not sure which one is the right answer and I don’t know if I will ever know that. I know that it gets harder to live and breath more and more each day. I am not all that much into wanting to just die now, more into the wanting to live thing. Maybe it is because of the feeling I get when I can not catch my breath of air and I can feel the chains of death weighting upon my chest.
I came out years ago when one did not dare to talk about being a trans, back then you were just gay or queer, homosexual or a fag, then everyone wanted to be a shemale or a tranny, now the word is trans, the reality is that nothing comes for free, someone like me has had to pay for you be able to be what you now want to be, After being raped, beaten and shoved out of different places, then and only then can you judge me. this is my reality……