“Battling Depression”

I have found that writing is good for my soul, it helps me to deal with the depression in my life. Everyday I have to deal with the fact that I live in a place that doesn’t want me here and living as a transwoman has given me the opportunity to see people at their worst. I live in a world where Christianity rules and for the most part I have seen just how rude and hateful they can be. I have yet to understand how can one sit in church and say that they believe in God, then walk out of that church and tell me that I have sinned and I am going to hell just because I am trying to live my life the way I need to live it. You see if I had just lived as a male , I would not have seen the true face’s of the bigot’s that try to run everything around here. I have never seen so much discrimination anywhere else in the world. But all in all I know that God has a reason for me to be here. I truly believe that he has put me in this place to teach and show that we are not all the same in his eyes. I am me and you are you for a reason. We are all teachers of a sort, I teach that being a bigot is wrong just like discriminating is wrong. 

Everyday I try to thank the Lord for my life here on earth because soon I will not be here anymore, just waiting for him to open that door. I have to try and be strong for him, and for myself just like you must be strong for yourself. I know that depression is a hard thing to deal with and fight, but you can win, I trust in you that you can, all you have to do is try.

This is a little something I have written for you. Maybe it will help you in some way. You have my love and most of all you have Gods love.

 

 

TO THEE, FROM ME”

 

In the darkness, you have shown me the light,

You have created the stars to make it bright.

When I can feel the wind blowing on my face,

I know then, that you are here in this place.

 

You have made me to feel humble,

You have done this so I will not stumble.

You have taught me to give all that I could,

Yet you knew somehow that I would.

 

You have shared your love with me,

That is why I have given my love back to thee.

You have made me to feel strong,

Even if sometimes I have been wrong.

 

You are my Lord my God,

I no longer have to wonder why.

The strength that I have found in me,

I have somehow gotten it from thee.

 

Thank you my God.

Written by Miss Bobbie Jean,

Yes I have a Dream,

One race called the human race.”

© 2014 – 2015 Living transgender All rights reserved

“EVERYDAY”

Everyday I see your smile,
It makes me want to smile.

Everyday I hear your voice,
It makes me want to shout, you are my choice.

Everyday I want you more,
I’ll wait for you, never closing that door.

Everyday you are the sunshine in my life,
Your brightness cuts me like a knife.

Everyday I look forward to telling you that I love you,
Hoping that you can love me too.

Everyday I hold you dear,
Because you are my friends here.

I hold you in my thoughts and my prayers, I wish only the best for you and your family, I give to you all of my heart because it is all I have left to give.

Miss Bobbie Jean Yes I am a Queen.

MAKING A DIFFERENCE!

DEDICATED TO MICHAEL HUGHES”

facebook.com/michaelchughes

Every now and then we find someone that is not afraid to stand out above all others. Someone that is willing to try and make a difference in life for everyone around them.

I have been fighting this battle trying to change the way people here in south GA. look at transgenders and anyone else that is different but I have yet to do so. I have watched as these groups have helped out many young people in schools and other places to try and find some kind of order for them in public, yet it seems like it never mattered what had happened to me here no one ever cared. I am not sure why anyone never came to stand with me.

I had hoped that I would make a difference here and I guess I will never know if I do or not, more then likely I will not live that long to find out. We all have our reason for doing what it is we have done in this life here on earth and we are all hoping that what we do is right in the eyes of God, because according to society only God will be able to judge me in the end.

As I look back through the times I feel that everyone has a special part to play here. As we cross the great barrier to move forward someone has to stand above all others. As hard as I have tried I don’t feel that I have done so. Maybe if I had been younger or even more beautiful then people would have taken me more serious, because I am old and broken down no one really cares what happens to me. I have been standing alone for so long that I have gotten used to it. As the law here has told me time and time again that the laws will only work for me, if the community that I live in accepts the laws and that will not happen here, they just don’t want me here, or anyone like me for that matter.

Now we have come to a time where society is again trying to shove their rules down our throats and make us evening more vulnerable in public by have to show what we are when we go to the restroom. It is hard enough out there to fight against the hater and by being even more discriminate again makes it easier for them to sort us out. We just as soon put up a sign saying, “Hey I am a transgender kill me.”

Personality I don’t want to use the men’s room anywhere I go and for the most part if I have to I will not do business there.

I believe that the thing that I am trying to say here is that there is a young man that has stood above the rest and is making a difference in our world as we know it. He has shown that he is the kind of man that would make anyone proud to have in their life. He is fighting for the right to use the restroom of our choice, not society’s choice. It is hard enough just to go out there and deal with the public, because not all of us are able to past as good as others, so we really don’t need the extra attention when just trying to go pee.

By passing their laws all they are dong is putting us out in the public eye that way any one that hates us we know who we are, that will be a problem for some of us, myself I can and will take care of myself, but there are those that are weak and will not be able to do so, who will stand up for them? Maybe that is why some of the LGBT community is having a problem with all this, I believe that for the most part this will be better for the whole community not just a few.

Myself I have been attacked not only on the internet, but in my real life as well, it is not something new for me, so I will stand my ground and stand with Michael as long as he is out there. He is someone to be proud of, not just a “fly-by-night-kinda-guy.”

As I come to an end here I want to say that we all need to stand up and fight for our rights, no one is going to do that for you, if you want to be free to chose the way you dress, you need to stand with the rest. Battles were not won by sitting on your ass, stand and say no more BS, lets make a difference here and now. We have someone out there risking everything he has for us, let’s stand with him.

I am Miss Bobbie Jean Chiasson and yes I have a dream.

ONE RACE CALLED THE HUMAN RACE.”

http://livingtransgender.info/index.php

© 2014 – 2015 Living transgender All rights reserved

Who Is To Blame?

Sitting here because I was having trouble getting to sleep, finding a need to try and write a little. Sometimes I find it better just to get up and write rather then lay there and allow me mind to be filled with nothing but BS and most of the time that is all it is BS because most of it doesn’t make any sense anyway.

For the most part I really don’t think that we know who is to blame for what we deal with today in this screwed up world we live in, I know I don’t anyway. Sure I have a lot to blame it on for the way I am now. But in the end it is only me that can do anything about it.

What is it that we can do to try and help ourselves feel better? Well, I like to write and sometimes if I can get my head out of my self pity and sit at my PC then I can give it a shoot. Maybe if I am lucky it will help, if nothing else maybe help me fall to sleep better. Maybe you can try reading or something that would take your mind off of what you are dealing with. We all have our own way of dealing with things.

Part of me wants to blame my mother and family for some of what has happen to me, part wants to blame the government and part blaming the women in my life, but none are really to blame for the crap I have had to deal with. More then likely I was born on the wrong day, at the wrong time of the day and in the wrong place, so there is nothing that I can really blame all this on.

I have more than likely just been dealt a bad hand and all I can do is live with it. Not all of us are born with that silver spoon in our mouth. Even though I have had to work hard all my life, I still end up with not much of anything, yet I am not alone and like many others we still fight just to get a breath of fresh air from time to time.

Today I finally managed to get myself out of bed and out to the supermarket to get me some food, it’s been a couple of weeks sense I have been out of most everything. Sometimes its hard for me to do that now, with my health getting worst and mentally just being tried of dealing with all these people here. I get tried of fighting for my rights just to be able to live and go out in public anymore. I should not have to do that, I have already fought that battle, so I though. I had truly believed that when I was fighting in Vietnam I was fighting for my rights to live free and have the freedom of choice, but I was wrong then.

I have been taking my pills just like my doc said to, don’t like to, but I must for my own good.

They think that I may be sick.

My medical problems

Anxiety, Congestive heart failure,Abdominal pain

Personality disorder,Hypothyroidism

Spinal stenosis,Hypertensive disorder

Chronic gastritis,Erosive esophagitis

Abdominal bloating,Depressive disorder

Nonulcer dyspepsia,Neck pain,

Prostate specific antigen abnormal

Lactose intolerance,Epigastric pain

Acute retention of urine,Cardiomyopathy

Chronic pain syndrome,Chronic prostatitis

Spinal stenosis in cervical region,Constipation

Macrocytosis,Chronic constipation

Gastroesophageal reflux disease,Dyspnea on exertion

Barrett’s esophagus with esophagitis,Asthenia

Degeneration of intervertebral disc

Diffuse disease of coronary artery

Benign prostatic hyperplasia,Osteoporosis

Hyperlipidemia,Hypertensive disorder

And I wonder why I stay in bed all the time..

Sometimes I wonder if I will make it or not for another day and sometimes I hope that I don’t. Being sick all the time is not fun for anyone to have to deal with and I hate myself for getting this way. Just last year I could walk 20 miles just to do it, now I can’t even walk around the block most of the time and really I don’t care to for the most part. I have found it to be much easier to just hide here in my home.

Yes depression is a powerful thing and can and will take over one’s life if they allow it to. Sometimes I feel that I have done that, but every now and then someone say’s something to me that makes me want to fight just a little longer, I guess that is what a true friend would do for you.

Like I have said, it is easy to put the blame for your depression on someone else or something else, but it really just comes down to you, Why are you depressed and what will you do to make your life better?

Thank you for reading what I write and I love your support.

Thought for today is to be strong in what ever you want to do with your life, you can do it and you are never as alone as you may think you are, you do have friends out there………

I am Miss Bobbie Jean and yes I have a dream, one race called the human race……..

© 2014 – 2015 Living transgender All rights reserved

 

Living as a transgender

 

 

Science Just Proved That Being Transgender Is Not a Phase

Sometimes we feel like we are alone in a battle for what is good and right for all those that it affect’s. I am proud to find that there are others that are making a stand to try and win our battle for the right just to live as we are, we ask nothing of anyone but to accept us as part of the human race.
Just because I have chosen to dress the way I do, because it makes me feel true to my inner self, does not make me some kind of monster that would take your kids or your women to please myself. I would not dress as a woman if I wanted a woman, I would be a man, because as a man I had no trouble getting a woman. I feel that for me being a woman fills more of my needs and allows me to be me. I did not like the man in me, I was afraid of him, because I knew what he was. I am the one that put him in the closet to protect me from him.
When I go to a restroom, I go just to pee, and I am very careful as to where I go. I will not go in a place where the bathrooms are open to more then one at a time, that way I don’t have to make anyone feel uncomfortable. If the is a restroom where either sex may go, that is where I’ll be. Life has more important things to worry about instead of worry about where I pee. It could be a lot worst, that we don’t have bathrooms at all, like in some countries….

Please stand with us and try to show people that we are all the same in the end, just human beings trying to live our lives as we see fit, not as they see us living it…

Our culture is undeniably uneducated about transgender individuals.

 

Science Just Proved That Being Transgender Is Not a Phase

I will not allow depression to keep me down…

To Be or not to be is the question, that is you are the only one that can answer that. Will you transition or not, is it worth all that you must deal with to become the real you, The you that has been hiding inside all these years wanting to come out. Everyday we fight for our freedom to live our lives as we chose to, it does not matter about what family and friends think about the way we feel or the way we have chosen to live, only we can make the difference. I have lose my family and all my friends because of the decision that I have made, but it was for my health, so that I could live a better life without all the stress because of my heart. It may be hard to believe but I have now more stress to deal with then ever before. Sometimes I truly believe that is what keeps me going. I know that if you say it does not matter what others think or say that it will make you feel better, but in reality it does matter, we all have feelings and words can hurt a lot sometime, especially when they come from someone that you have love most of your life. You wonder if your family will except you or your friends will feel the need to still be your friend. I found that a lot of those people that were my friends turned out to be the kind of people that feel like if they except me, that their friends will turn against them and think that they are gay or something because they are with me. Will if I needed someone to come to my home and take me to the store to buy food I would be out of luck because there is no one here I can count on to help me, it’s a sad thing, but it is true. I stood out in the rain at the bus stop waiting for the bus as three of my own neighbors drove out of the same part, but did not pick me up. I was soak and wet but that is all I could do, then I had to deal with the assholes on the bus. Well, I know that I am trying to make myself feel better and believe that I am right about what I do.
I try hard to believe in God and what I do. I feel that if God is going to judge me and hold me responsible for my sins then he will hold me for the killing that I have done in my life not for being a Transgender. It does not say I shall not be a Trans, it say’s that I shall not kill. So if I go to hell it will not be for being a transwoman…
Yes I am Miss Bobbie Jean and I have a dream” one race called the human race”..