Well, I have been back to the Doctor again. The blood test I had done came back showing some things that are needed to be addressed and I will be going to about four Doctors to deal with what is wrong.

I have been taking 250 mcg of Synthroid for my thyroids and they said that my mind is tell my body to produce more hormones and they think that it is too much so I now have to see a Endocrinologist for that.


Then, I will be seeing a orthopedic spine surgeon for my back. Not sure what they can do about the bulging disc in my spine


I have to go to a Urologist because something is wrong with my prostate, the blood test showed them something that needs to be check out.


They also want me to be check out by a new Cardiologist for my heart.


They want me to go to a pain management doctor also.( I call them a drug dealer because that is what they do, give you drugs)


When I left my doctors office yesterday, I was told that I home-care nurse would be coming by to try and help me care for myself and I will be getting a wheel chair to help me get around.

So I have finally end up where I did not want to be, an old person.


I am trying hard to deal with all this at one time, but I can not allow depression to take hold to me. I have to stop taking my Estrace and my medroxyproesterone that I was taking for my breast, they said the risk factor was to much and it would cause more harm then good. Which is something to be depressed about, because it is taking away from what I want to be. I knew the risk when I started taking them and did not care, but now it makes a difference in how long I will live.


I sit here mostly confused, because of the Neurontin that I am taking, it does help with my pain, but it also keeps my in a state of confusion.


I am not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, but I am just allowing you into a world of someone that is depressed and has to deal with it everyday of my life. I find it hard to be able to see the light because of the darkness that surrounds me. It is a hard fight to stay alive when death would be so much less of this suffering I do.


I will tell you that I write because this is the only way that I can say what I need to say.


I will tell you to stay strong, fight with everything you got, never let depression control you.


Written by a confused writer,

written by Bobbie Jean, I have a dream,

Let’s all make this world a better place, one step at a time.





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